Newspaper Jokes / Recent Jokes
A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest put his book down and began a conversation by saying, "I understand that in your religion, you are not supposed to eat pork... but, have you never even tasted it?"
The rabbi put his newspaper down and replied, "I must tell you the truth. Yes I have, but only on the odd occasion."
The rabbi then questioned the priest, "I understand that in your religion, you're supposed to be celibate... but... "
"Yes, I know exactly what you are going to ask," interjected the priest, "and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice."
They both went back to their reading and remained silent for a while.
Finally, the rabbi peeked over his newspaper and with a big grin, said, " "Better than pork, isn't it!"
A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding a Ruppe coin.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking and gasping for breath. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a Tea stall in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of Tea.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her Tea cup down on the saucer, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the market.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, she hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the Tea stall without saying a more...
A professor of English and the editor of the local newspaper had many friendly arguments. One Friday evening the professor was walking out of a local club with
a bottle of whiskey wrapped in that day`s newspaper.
"Oh!" said the editor, who was walking past. "Looks like there`s something interesting in that paper."
"Aye," replied the professor. "It`s the most interesting item that`s been in it all week.
The 25 Best Newspaper Headlines of 1999
1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
2. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
6. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
7. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
15. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
16. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
17. War Dims Hope for Peace
18. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
20. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
21. New Study of Obesity more...
Two Thieves Robbed A Bank And Were Tired At Last.
The First Thief Told To The Second- Lets Count The Money.
The Second Thief Said-Why Brother? We Will See It In The Newspaper Tomorrow!!
Nowhere, Vermont
Sam had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years when he decided that he was sick of the stress and quit his job. He bought 50 acres of land in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont. His place was so isolated that the postman came only once a week and he went to the grocery store only once a month.
After six months of near total isolation, he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and a big bearded Vermonter is standing there. He says, "Names Enoch... your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday... thought you'd like to come."
"Great," replies Sam. "After six months of living like this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for inviting me."
As Enoch is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you, though, there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem. After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of more...
There was once a Rino sleeping by a water fall. just then a huge lion come along and grabed his balls give them a little shake and said "
oh i'll ave a peice of that!"
and the lion starts shagging the Rino up the arse then the Rino wakes up and the lion runs for his life then whilst the Rino is stomping just behind the lion the lion sees a hunter reading a newspaper with those funny hunter hats on so the lion kills the hunter sticks on his hat gets the newspaper and sits down then the Rino says to the lion (who he thinks is a hunter)ave u seen a lion come through here? and the lion says do you mean the one who shagged the rino up the ass earlier? then the Rino said "
FUCK ME DON'T TELL ME IT'S IN THE PAPERS ALREADY !!!. by Ricky .L. Lewis