Noah Jokes / Recent Jokes
Noah was standing by his house one day, when a light came down and a voice said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of animal on the planet. I am ordering you to build an Ark. Here are the plans."
And Noah found that suddenly he had Ark plans in his hands. Noah said he would do as ordered.
"It will begin to rain in six months," said the voice. "You must better have the Ark completed, or you will certainly drown."
After six months, the skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. There was no Ark. Again a light came from the sky.
"Noah, where is my Ark?"
"Forgive me Lord," begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark more...
As soon as the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting with all the animals.
"Now listen up!" Noah said, with authority in his voice. "There will be no sex on this trip. Males, you are to remove your penis and turn it in to my sons. I will be seated at the table over there and will write you a receipt. Once we see land, turn in your receipt and I will give you back your penis."
Several days later, Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife's cage all excited. "Quick," he said, "get up on my shoulders and look out the window to see if you can see any land out there!"
Mrs. Rabbit did as he asked and said, "Sorry, dear, no land yet."
"Damn!" Mr. Rabbit exclaimed.
This went on day after day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him. "What's the matter with you?" she asked. "You know it will rain for forty days and forty nights. We will only be able to see land after the water has drained. Why are you more...
Noah And Today's ArkThe Lord spoke to Noah and said, "Noah, in six months I am goingto make it rain until the whole world is covered with water andall the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few goodpeople and two of every living thing on the planet. I am orderingyou to build an ark." And, in a flash of lightning, he deliveredthe specifications for the ark."OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with theblueprints, "I'm your man.""Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "Youbetter have my ark completed or learn to swim for a long, longtime!"Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain beganto fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting inhis yard, weeping, and there was no ark."Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where is My ark?" A lightning boltcrashed into the ground right beside Noah."Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, more...
Noah's Ark...If it happened in 2000
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed.
But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an Ark." And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications for an Ark, "Okay," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
"Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have the Ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long time." Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First, I had to get a more...
Archeologists think they have found Noah's Ark on a mountaintop in Iran. Said a jubilant digger, "The boat contains two of every animal, and one of Alexis Arquette."
Noah's Ark...If it happened in 2000And the Lord spoke to Noah and said "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed.But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an Ark." And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifications for an Ark, "Okay," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints."Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have the Ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long time." Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where is the Ark?""Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for more...