Notes Jokes / Recent Jokes
a bloke finishes work goes to the pub, and asks for a pint. he sees the wall covered in
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
38. Bring cheat sheets for another class (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit. "
Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn? A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes. Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone? A: Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste. Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone? A: Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes. Q: What's the definition of a gentleman? A: Somone who knows how to play the trombone and doesn't. Q: What is the difference between a trombone and a trumpet? A: A trombone will bend before it breaks. Q: There is a frog driving east and a trombonist walking west. What can be surmised from this? A: The frog's probably on its way to a gig. Orchestral trombonists count so much rest and play so many repeated figures that the sheep story also works. Trombone: a slide whistle with delusions of granduer.
From: Efficiency & Ticket, Ltd., Management ConsultantsTo: Chairman, The London Symphony OrchestraRe: Schubert's Symphony No. 8 in B minor.After attending a rehearsal of this work we make the following observations and recommendations:1. We note that the twelve first violins were playing identical notes, as were the second violins. Three violins in each section, suitably amplified, would seem to us to be adequate.2. Much unnecessary labour is involved in the number of demisemiquavers in this work; we suggest that many of these could be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver thus saving practice time for the individual player and rehearsal time for the entire ensemble. The simplification would also permit more use of trainee and less-skilled players with only marginal loss of precision.3. We could find no productivity value in string passages being repeated by the horns; all tutti repeats could also be eliminated without any reduction of efficiency.4. In so labour-intensive an more...
Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch. The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Cubs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Sox cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Yankees cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time. The Yankee fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?" Well," said the officer. "I am simply more...
Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch. The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Cubs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Sox cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Yankees cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time. The Yankee fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?" Well," said the officer. more...
To: Professor _______________
From: ____________________I think my grade in your course, ___, should be changed from ___ to ___ for the following reasons:__1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.__2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.__3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into:__Medical School
__Graduate School
__Dental School
__Fraternity/Sorority
__The Mickey Mouse Club
__Tri County Tech__4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in ______.__5. I'll lose my scholarship.__6. I'm on a varsity sports team, and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam for me.__7. I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam.__8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact.__9. I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams asked about general principles.__10. You are prejudiced more...