Notices Jokes / Recent Jokes

Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new
haircut.
You never have to drive to another gas station because
this one's Just too "yucky".
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress $1000; Tux rental $100.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So,
notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or
she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8. more...

The was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign. It says, "Warning, one of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which reads, "Now there are two."
The Famers Daughter "The was a man named Jimmy who was on a job interview in another state that he didn't know very well. While he was driving he became very tired. Noticing there were more...

A butcher in his shop, and he’s real busy, and he notices a dog in the shop. He shoos him away. But later, he notices the dog is back again. So he goes over to the dog, and notices he has a note in his mouth. He takes the note, and it reads “Can I have
12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please. The dog has money in his mouth, as well. ”
The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten pound note there. So he takes the money, and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog’s mouth. The butcher is well impressed, and since it’s close to closing time, he decides to shut up shop and follow the dog. So off he goes.
The dog is walking down the street, when he comes to a level crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking more...

A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice."Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."

Three college girls went in for physicals,
Upon examining the first woman the Dr. notices she has a large letter 'H' imprinted on her chest. The Dr. asked her "how did you get this?"
She says "my boyfriend is from Harvard, he likes to leave his letter sweater on when we make love."
While examining the second woman the Dr. notices she has a large letter 'Y' imprinted on her chest. The Dr. asked her "how did you get this?"
She says "my boyfriend is from Yale, he likes to leave his letter sweater on when we make love."
During the examination of the third woman the Dr. notices a large letter 'M' imprinted on her chest. The Dr. says "I see your boyfriend is from the University of Minnesota!"
She responds "No, my girlfriend is from Wisconsin!"

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The boy is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks mister,"the boy says. The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner, " the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little boy says, "You're probably right, mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

Reasons why it's great to be a guy
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Monday Night Football.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't annoy you if you've lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
You can kill your own food.
The garage is all yours.
You get extra credit for more...