Nude Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sahara had been in chat rooms for several months and met a guy on the net:
suocnon_ris: U know wat would be really cool?
sahara_19: no wat
suocnon_ris: if u would take some nude pics and post them on myspace
sahara_19: NO WAY
suocnon_ris: i'll pay u for every pic
sahara_19:how much?
suocnon_ris: how ever much g2g
sahara_19: wait how much?
Sahara didn't feel right about the guy, so she went and spoke to her dad thinking about collage and all.
Sahara: dad i met this guy on the net
Dad: yeah?
Sahara: yeah and he said i should take some pics
Dad: What type of pics?
Sahara: nude
Dad: its up to you
Sahara needing the money went to her room and took the pics then got back on the net and posted them. the next day she was on the net and looked at the comments
suocnon_ris: nice pics so how much do i owe u?
sahara_19: well $25 for each pic so $150
suocnon_ris: k but u know wat would be even better
if u got some pics more...

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband, Fred, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window my husband is home early!"
Ralph looked out the window and said "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there!"
Mary cried "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!"
So the boyfriend grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window! When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race... so he started running along side the others - only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm. One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"
Ralph answered, while gasping for air "Oh yes, It feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."
The other runner then asked the nude more...

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband, John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway.She yelled at Ralph: "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump outthe window my husband is home early!" Ralph looked out thewindow and said: "I can't jump out the window! It's raininglike hell out there!" Mary cried: "If my husband catches usin here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabbedhis clothes and jumped out the window! When he landed outsidehe found himself in the middle of a marathon race... so hestarted running along side the others - only he was still inthe nude, carrying his clothes on his arm. One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?" Ralph answered, while gasping for air: "Oh yes, It feels sofree having the air blow over your skin while you are running." The other runner then asked the nude man: "Do you always more...

Weird Sex Laws of the U. S. A law in Fairbanks, Alaska, does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.
In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.
In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on Sunday afternoons.
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times
and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.
In Nevada, sex without a condom is considered illegal.
Clinton, Oklahoma, has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.
In Willowdale, more...

Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up, nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell, and eleven other bells began to ring......

A little kid goes to a nude beach with his parents. He sees a naked girl and says "Mommy, mommy! That lady has bigger tits than you do!"

So his mom says "The bigger your tits are the dumber you are."

Then the little boy sees a naked guy and says "Mommy, mommy! That man has a bigger dick than daddy!"

So the mom says, "The bigger your dick is the dumber you are."

Then the little boy sees something else. He says, "Mommy, mommy! Daddy is talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and he keeps getting dumber and dumber!"

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The
father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the
water. The son comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy, I saw ladies with
boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and
says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than daddy's!" The mom
says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and
says..."Mommy, I just saw daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and
the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"