Nude Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.

The son comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play.

Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."

So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

* In the quiet town of Connersville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.

* It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.

* In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

* No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

* Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you or holding you in his arms.

* Bozeman, Montana has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown - if they're nude.

* In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds more...

There once was a sheriff who, no matter what the situation, always said, "It could have been worse" after viewing the scene of the crime. It drove his two deputies absolutely crazy.
One day, the two deputies in the Sheriff's Office answered an emergency call at a farmhouse. When they walked in, they found the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They both had been shot to death. When the deputies went to the living room, they found the body of a man with a gun at his side.
"No doubt about it," one deputy said to the other. "This was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself."
"You're right," the other deputy replied. "Double murder and suicide. But I'll bet you when the sheriff gets here, he's going to say' It could have been worse' as he always does!"
"No way. How could it be worse? There are three people in more...

One day a young lad invted a catholic priest to visit a nudist colony. The priest refused to do that and asked the lad how the hell am I going to a place like that. The man said that we have to go inside in nude. He suggested to the priest that he carries his hat along with him so that he could cover his private parts. The priest agreed and entered the colony.
As he started walking through the place there were some nice nude girls on the left side of the lane who greeted him Good morning Father. He held his hat with right hand and waived at them with his left hand.. He continued with his walk and did the same thing to the girls on the right hand side while holding the hat this time with lright hand.
As the crowd was increasing and the number of nice girls were admired by the priest, at one point there were girls on both sides of the alley. When greeted by the beauties on both sides he was compelled to wave at them with both hands. To everyones surprise the hat was intact and more...

Why isn't God helping us? Some people ask this question. Well, here's an answer.
Billy Graham's daughter was being interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.
She said "I believe that God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman that He is, I believe that He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand that He leave us alone?"
I know there's been a lot of emails going around in regards to 9/11/01, but this really makes you think. If you don't have time, at least skim through it, but the bottom line is something to think about... in light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.
Let's see, I think it more...

A women, really loved her dog named Simba. The women once went to wash and this dog went with her as he always did. The lady filled the bath with a lot of bubbles and she went in. The dog jumped in with her and she couldn't see the dog so she was calling him "simba simba." While she was lookig for the dog, the dog jumped out of the bath and went out. She went after him nude, but the dog went outside in the street. She was confused of what she was going to do because she was nude. So she said to herself "people now got used to the top part the problem is underneath" So she got a frame with a picture. And she went out. Everyone looking at her. She saw a police and stopped him and said "have you seen my dog Simba?" While asking him the photo slipped out of the frame and everything was on show. And the police tolde her "I didn't see the dog i am now seeing a pussy!!!"

A Family, a boy and his parents went to a nude beach while they were on holiday.
The little boy was building sandcastles when he noticed some women had bigger boobs than his mum. Confused he went to his mum, "
Mummy mummy, why do some women have bigger boobs than you?"
His mum laughed and replied "
Honey, the bigger boobs they have, the dumber they are"
Please with the answer the little boy carried on building sandcastles, when he noticed some men had bigger willy's than his dad. Confused he went to his dad, "
Daddy, daddy, why do some men have bigger willys than you?"
His dad laughed and replied "
Son, the bigger the willy, the dumber the guy"
Later the boy said to his mum "
Mummy, Daddy was talking to the DUMBEST girl on the beach, and the more he spoke the dumber he got"