Object Jokes / Recent Jokes

Galbraith`s Law of Human Nature: Faced with the choice between changing one`s mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everybody gets busy on the proof.

Gerrold`s Laws of Infernal Dynamics: 1. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction. 2. An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. 3. The energy required to change either one of these states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task totally impossible.

Gilb`s Laws Of Unreliability: 1) At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer. 2) Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable. 3) Udetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited. 4) Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on more...

Gold`s Law: If the shoe fits, it`s ugly

Goldenstern`s Rules: 1. Always hire a rich attorney. 2. Never buy from a rich salesman.

Golden Rule Of Arts And Sciences: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Gordian Maxim: If a string has one end, it has another.

Gordon`s First Law: If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.

Gordon`s Object Lifespan Theorem: No matter the amount of care given the purchased object, it will fuse/explode/disassemble within three days of warranty expiration.

Gordon`s Warranty Law: All warranty clauses expires upon bill payment.

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what, metal, wood, plastic-anything she touched would melt!

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians.

One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured,"

The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.

The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the more...

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter. But there was a problem. Everything the princeess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, plastic,. .. anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? . He consuletes his wizards and magicians. One wizards told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that doesn't melt in her, she will be cured". The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond, thingking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, more...

A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object on the shelf. She asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos." The blonde then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The blonde says, "Oh! I could use something like that!! I'll take it!" The next day, as she walks into work with her new thermos she spots her boss and shows off her shiny new thermos, "I just got this yesterday, isn't it wonderful! It's a thermos and it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold!" The boss asks, "And what do you have in it?" The blonde replies, "Some coffee and a popsicle."

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
Players on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club into the hole and keep the balls out.
For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft, course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. Experienced players will normally lake time to admire the entire course, playing special attention to well formed bunkers.
Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the more...

This is a story about Johnnie's day at school....Johnnie's teacher got up
in front of the class and announced they were going to play a guessing
game! The teacher said, "I have something behind my back. It's red in
color and round. It's soft, but it's hard."
Johnnie raised his hand and
said, "Teacher, I know it's a red rubber ball." The teacher said, "No
Johnnie, it's an apple, but I like the way that you think."
Next the
teacher grabbed another object and put it behind her back. "I have
something behind my back. It's orange in color and round. It's soft,
but it's hard," said Johnnie's teacher.
Johnnie raised his hand again
and said, "Teacher, teacher, I know it's an orange rubber ball." The
teacher looked at Johnnie and said, "No Johnnie, it's an orange, but I
like the way that you think."
Johnnie was now getting the hang of it so
he asked the teacher if he more...