Oil Jokes / Recent Jokes
The bees, lured by a pheromone-packed scent rather than pollen or oil, attempt to mate with the flowers. I think we finally have a goofy scientific study that could lead to something practical, appealing inflatable sex dolls.
Gasoline prices at U.S. pumps rose an average of a nickel a gallon over the last two weeks, ending three months of falling prices. Politicans everywhere were initially outraged but calmed down once they realized elections were over two weeks ago.
Congress did however react to the news of higher prices by passing legistlation that gives the right to build all future gas pumps exclusively to Diebold.
One Day Furious Santa Enters A Shop And Asks That' Where Is My Free Gift With This Can Of Oil?
The Shopkeeper Says That There Is No Free Gift With This Can Of Oil.
But It Is Written That Free Cholestrol With The Can!!!!
The oil slick is so large that Sarah Palin can see it from her house.
The lawyers are easy to spot--they're the only reptiles not covered in oil.
The Company Car
===============
1. It accelerates at a phenominal rate.
2. It has a much shorter braking distance than the private
car.
3. It can take speed humps at twice the speed of private
cars.
4. The battery, radiator water, oil and tyres never have to
be checked.
5. The floor is cunningly designed to double as an ashtray.
6. It does not need to be kept under shelter at night.
7. It can be driven up to 60 miles with the oil warning light
flashing.
8. It needs cleaning less often than private cars.
9. The suspension is reinforced to allow for the weekend
loads of bricks, concrete slabs and other building
material.
10. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated
by turning up the radio.
11. It needs no security system and may be left anywhere,
unlocked and with the keys in the ignition.
12. It is the only type of car able to leave the road in game
reserves and more...
Take off the fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning because there was a distinct chill in the air due to the temperature dropping below 73ºF.
Carefully fold each item, and place in clothes hamper.
Walk to bathroom. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately.
Look at your womanly figure in the mirror, and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you¹re getting fat.
Position the shower nozzle pointing away from you, and turn on the water.
Get into the shower, once you have found it through all that steam.
Look for face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with Cucumber & Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again with Cucumber & Lamfrey Shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Wash your hair once again (just to make sure) with Cucumber & Lamfrey Shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
Condition your more...