Oil Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three men are traveling in the Amazon: a Canadian, an American, and a Mexican.
They get captured by a fierce tribe of Amazons.

The tribe leader tells them they will be whipped for entering their territory. The tribe chief says to the Candian, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"

The Canadian responds, "I will take oil!"
So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times.
When he is finished the Canadian has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the Canadian away, and say to the Mexican,
"What do you want on your back?"

"I will take nothing!, I will take my punishment like a real man!" says the Mexican, and he boldly stands there and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch.

Finally, it's the Yank's turn and the tribal chief asks:
"What will you take on your back?"

And he responds more...

While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not.
I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?"
The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."

1. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

2. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zig-zag.

3. Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

4. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

5. Think "honk" if you're telepathic.

6. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

7. If a person with multiple personalitis theatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

8. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

9. Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

10. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

11. I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

12. So what's the speed of dark?

13. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an more...

Scientists are excited about the real possibility of using corn as a means to create fuel, thus significantly reducing our dependency on oil.
I understand George Bush will be deploying troops to Iowa next week for Operation Shuck.

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"

The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?"

"I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.

"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.

He responds, "I`ll take the Mexican."

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"
The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.
The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?"
"I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.
"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.
He responds, "I`ll take the Mexican."

Yo mama so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!
Yo mama so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her Yo mama so greasy her freckles slipped off.
Yo mama so greasy the Chip Shop uses her sweat as Deep Fry.
Yo mama so greasy she sweats butter, syrup, excretes jam... and has a full time job at the' Pancake Palace' wiping pancakes across her forheed.
Yo mama so greasy her idea of bottled water is the left over oil slime from a bacon, sausage and egg fry up.