Oil Jokes / Recent Jokes

There are a lot of folks that cannot understand how we ran out of oil here in the USA.

Well, here is the answer: It is simple......... nobody bothered to check the oil.

Did not know we were getting low. And of course the reason for that is geographical.

Most of the oil is in Alaska, Oklahoma, and Texas, and all the dipsticks are in Washington, DC.

- Accelerates at a phenomenal rate.

- Has a much shorter braking distance than the private car.

- Can take speed humps at twice the speed of private cars.

- The battery, radiator water, oil and tires never have to be checked.

- It can be driven up to 60 miles with the oil warning light flashing.

- It needs cleaning less often than private cars.

- The suspension is reinforced to allow for the weekend loads of bricks, concrete slabs and other building material.

- Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by turning up the radio.

- It needs no security system and may be left anywhere, unlocked and with the keys in the ignition.

- It is especially sand and waterproof for barbeques and fishing expeditions on remote beaches.

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

So what's the speed of dark?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?" The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."

Consumers were feeling confident in January: The job market was chugging along and oil prices were down. Another factor: Consumers totally ended their slumps when they hooked up with decent-looking chicks at New Year's Eve parties.

Saudi Arabian Prince Bandar bin Sultan bin Abdul Aziz is selling his lavish Aspen ranch-asking price-$135 million.
In a statement made through his real-estate agent, overly perky Gail Stevens-a statement that could barely be heard over her Century 21 jacket, "Bandar is selling because he's spending too much time in Saudi Arabia, furiously masturbating to the astronomical price of oil."

In the wake of a $10.36 billion quarterly profit report by Exxon-Mobil, industry analysts said that over the long run, oil is actually "less profitable than several other sectors." Technically, that's only true when George W. Bush is running the company.