Olympic Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said, "That was incredible!" He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along." So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath. He said, more...

Background: The Vice-President of the Philippines, Joseph Estrada ('Erap' for short), has a reputation for being...err... how shall I put it? Well... STUPID! Much like Dan Quayle's reputation, I believe. The bad part is 'Erap' was elected into office. Here's a sample Erap joke.
Vice-President Joseph 'Erap' Estrada was invited to speak before an annual gathering of the Philippine Olympic Committee. Having no speech prepared for the event, he asked his aide to prepare one for him. Without reading it beforehand, he goes to the podium with his speech in hand and addresses the audience:
"Good evening", he pauses for a while, staring at his speech with a bewildered face.
"Ooouu... uuuoooO... ahem... ahem... OwwoooOwowwooh... Ohh... Ohhh... oooouuooouooo...", he struggles at his speech as his aide rushes to his side on stage.
"I'm having trouble reading this part", Erap whispers to him.
His aide looks at the speech for a moment then whispers more...

The events of Sept. 11th have prompted a security overhaul for the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City.
Among the measures:
Testing athlete's urine for traces of terrorism
Eliminating Men's 200m Embassy Bomb event
Turning Salt Lake City into hyper-paranoid, walled-off religious compound
Assigning athletes from Arab nations around-the-clock "security buddy"
All open flames to be immediately extinguished
Investigating any and all reports of fine white powder
Strictly prohibiting foreigners from Olympic village
Warning athletes not to make any sudden movements
Hoping that terrorists, like everyone else, have no desire to visit Salt Lake City