Onion Jokes / Recent Jokes
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?
Only one if you run him through slowly!
First person: Do you know how to save five lawyers who are drowning?
Second person: No.
First person: Good!
Where can you find a good lawyer?
In the cemetery.
You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
You shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.
Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?
Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.
What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
Skeet.
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which more...
Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up an bagpipe.
Whats the difference between a lawyer and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion.
What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?
A doberman.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
The pronunciation.
What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
You cry when you cut up an onion.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
Removable wingtips.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
Where can you find a good lawyer?
The nearest cemetery.
Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
To practice.
Why does California have the most lawyers in the country, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste sites?
New Jersey got first choice.
Who is the most popular man in a nudist colony?
The guy who can carry two pitchers of beer and a foot of onion rings!
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who is the most popular girl in a nudist colony?
The girl who can eat the last onion ring.
Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.