Onna Jokes

(must be read with an Italian or other foreign accent)
One day ima gonna America to bigga hotel.
Inna morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table you sonna ma bitch.
So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit onna my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.
I go to more...

One day, I'ma go to Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She bring me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand . I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better not piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.
Later, I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress, she bring me a spoon and knife, but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no understand. I wanna fock onna the table. She say you better not fock onna the table, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.
So, I go back to my room inna hotel and there's no shits onna my bed. I call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit onna my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch. I don't more...

I am an Italiano visitin America. One day ima gonna LA to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She bring me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say no, you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch. I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress bring me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everybody wanna fock. I tella her no, you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table you sonna ma bitch. So I go back to my room ina hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. I call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to ma toilet. I say no, you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: more...

Three Italian mothers were attending a football game. Each had a son playing on the same team. At the start of the game, the first boy saw his opportunity, grabbed the ball and running quickly, out-foxed the opposing team, making the first touchdown. His mother, obviously proud of her son, sprang from the bleachers, shouting in her broken Italian accent, "Thatsa *my* boy! I raised him onna da Pet milk. Ain`t he-a Peach?" Soon, the second boy received the ball and in a spectacular run down the field, made another goal for the team. Not wanting to be outdone by the first boy`s mother, the second boy`s mother jumped from her seat, exclaiming, "Thatsa *my* boy!! I raised him onna da breast milk. Ain`t he-a wonderful?" The third boy, hadn`t done so well, but finely someone threw him the ball. He fumbled it, then recovered... running in the wrong direction, fell with the ball, ran some more, stumbled again, dropped it once more, recovered it and finally crossed the goal more...

(Must be read with an Italian accent, preferably out loud.)
One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go to eat breakfast. I
tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella
her I want to piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna
to piss onna my plate. She say you better not piss onna plate, you sonna ma
bitch.
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a
knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tella me everyone wanna fock. I
tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say better not fock
on the table, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she calla me
sonna ma bitch.
So I go to my room inna hotel and there is no sheit onna my bed. I calla the
manager and tella him I wanna sheit. He tella me to go to the toilet. I say you
no understand. I wanna sheit on my bed. He say you better not more...