Opinion Jokes / Recent Jokes

How to Answer

It is Saturday, a crisp spring afternoon, and you're exactly where you should be: stretched out on the couch in front of a televised sporting event. Opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. Suddenly your girlfriend enters the room and says,

'DO I LOOK FAT?'

There is no answer to this question that won't be interpreted' yes'.

'No' means yes.' Yes' means yes.' I don't know' means yes.' It doesn't matter' means yes. The briefest hint of a pause before speaking means yes, yes, yes.

Most of us would rather take our degrees again than field this one, yet it may well come up several times a week. Your only real choice is to say no, clearly and immediately, leaving no possibility for any subtext, and making it sound like a widely acknowledged fact and not simply your opinion. This doesn't work, but more...

These Four Guys Were Walking Down The Street, A Saudi, A Russian, A North Korean, And A New Yorker.
A Reporter Comes Running Up And Says, "Excuse Me, What Is Your Opinion About The Meat Shortage?"
The Saudi Says, "Excuse Me, What's A Shortage?"
The Russian Says, "Excuse Me, What's Meat?"
The North Korean Says, "Excuse Me, What's An Opinion?"
The New Yorker, Says, "Excuse Me? What's Excuse Me?

If I want your opinion, I`ll ask you to fill out the necessary form.

A man holding a parrot came running and screaming into a veterinarian's office. The vet immediately brought him into an examining room and carefully examined the parrot, and then said to the man, "I'm sorry, but this bird is dead."The man began to cry, "No! No! That can't be true! I want another opinion."The vet thought a second, then said, "Okay," and left for the back office. He returned with a black Labrador retriever. The black Lab sniffed the bird and finally gave a low "woof" sound and looked up at the vet. The vet said to the man, "The dog thinks that the bird is dead too."The man said, "I don't believe it! I want another opinion!"The vet then left with the black Lab and came back with a cat. He placed the cat on the examination table and the cat walked over to the bird and sniffed and nudged the bird again and again. Finally the cat shrugged its shoulders and walked away from the bird.The vet said, "The cat more...

A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it.

Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out.

Patient: I wanna second opinion.

Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.

Interviewer asks in America: "Excuse me, what is your opinion
on the meat shortage?"
And the reply is... " 'Shortage?' What's a 'shortage?'"
Interviewer asks in Poland: "Excuse me, what is your opinion
on the meat shortage?"
And the reply is... " 'Meat?' What's 'meat?'"
Interviewer asks in Russia: "Excuse me, what is your opinion
on the meat shortage?
And the reply is... " 'Opinion?' What's an 'opinion?'"
Interviewer asks in Israel: "Excuse me, what is your opinion
on the meat shortage?"
And the reply is... " 'Excuse me?' What's 'excuse me?'"

A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and calls home. She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?" She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?" Shouts the doctor. "Getting a second opinion!"