Opium Jokes

First day of class in a rural Southern school. Teacher is calling role: "Billy Adams."
"Here."
"Susie Brown."
"Here."
She comes to "Opium Jones" and gasps. "Boy," she says, "what you name?"
"Opium Jones!" he says proudly.
"Boy," she says, "you go fetch yo' mammy to come see me."
The mother arrives.
"This boy say his name is Opium Jones," the teacher says.
"That's right," the mother says. "That's what we named him."
"But don't you know opium is a dope?" the teacher says.
"I sure do," the mother replies.
"No no no, that's not what I meant," the teacher says. "I mean, opium is illegal."
"Uh-huh," the mother says.
"No no," the teacher says. "What I mean is, opium is a seed what come from a white poppy."
"You hit the nail right more...

Banta in a very maross mood tells Santa that his buffalo is ill. He enquires from Santa, "that wasn't his buffalo also down with the same illness last year?"
Santa replies in the affirmative. Banta asks for the medication used by Santa. Santa tells him that he gave 250 gms of opium to it.
Banta goes home and gives 250 gms of opium to his ailing buffalo. The next day, he met Santa and told him that his buffalo died.
Santa tells Banta that it isn't surprising, because even his buffalo died after taking the opium.

"The New York Times" (Sept. 3, 2006)

"Opium Harvest at Record Level in Afghanistan"

Damn, I knew I should have invested in those opium futures.

First day of class in a rural Southern school. Teacher is calling role: "Billy Adams."
"Here."
"Susie Brown."
"Here."
She comes to "Opium Jones" and gasps. "Boy," she says, "what you name?"
"Opium Jones!" he says proudly.
"Boy," she says, "you go fetch yo' mammy to come see me."
The mother arrives.
"This boy say his name is Opium Jones," the teacher says.
"That's right," the mother says. "That's what we named him."
"But don't you know opium is a dope?" the teacher says.
"I sure do," the mother replies.
"No no no, that's not what I meant," the teacher says. "I mean, opium is illegal."
"Uh-huh," the mother says.
"No no," the teacher says. "What I mean is, opium is a seed what come from a white poppy."
"You hit more...