Opposite Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once there was loving couple traveling in a bus in a mountainous area. They decided to get down at some place. After the couple got down at some place the bus moved on. As the bus moved on, a huge rock fell on the bus from the mountain and crushed the bus to crumbs. Everybody on board was killed. The couple upon seeing that, said, "We wish we were on that bus" Why
do u think they said that?
Scroll down for answer
- Come on think again. .....
- Come on try hard.....



- Answer! !!!
-If they had remained on the bus instead of deciding to get down, the resulting time delay could have been avoided and the rock would have fallen after the bus had passed. ..!!! Think positive in life always and look for opportunities when u can help Others......
Moral of the story
Many times in life, the opposite of Success is not Failure, its Quitting.

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the arse and a' cheers for the sex' would pretty much do it.

2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to 29th February so it would only occur in leap years.

4. On Mothers Day, you'd get the day off to go drinking.

5. The only show opposite' Monday Night Football' would be' Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.'

6. Instead of' beer-belly,' you'd get' beer-biceps.'

7. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

8. Every woman that worked would have to do so topless.

9. When the Police pull you over, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. Example - Cop:' Do you know how fast you were going?' You:' All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.' Cop:' Nice one, that's $20 off.'

10. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

11. more...

Chee Soon Juan - Did I say that the chicken crossed the road? I meant the chicken-rice stall across the road, but left out some letters because of typo. SDP vice-chairman - wo ting bu dong ni jiang shen me. (I don't know what you are saying). Ling How Doong - don't talk cock. Worker's Party - The PAP doesn't allow chickens to cross the road. Chiam See Tong - The opposition must be loyal to Singapore. Don't eat Hainanese chicken rice. Eat Singapore noodles. Ling How Doong - don't talk cock. Chee Soon Juan - Did I say eat Hainanese chicken rice? I said CONSUME chicken rice at the stall across the road. PAP - There is no chicken rice stall across the road. Worker's Party - That is not true. The PAP just doesn't want chickens to cross the road. Chiam See Tong - We must always stay on this side of the road and remain true Singaporeans. Ling How Doong - don't talk cock. Chee Soon Juan - Did I say consume chicken rice across the road? I said eat chicken rice OPPOSITE the road. PAP - You said more...

The aspiring psychiatrists from various colleges were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor, to the student from the University of Houston, "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said the student. "And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Rice. "Elation," said she. "And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas A&M, "How about the opposite of woe?" The Aggie replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

An Ivy League theology professor was out visiting a friend at a local rural community college. She was asked to teach the class that day and she agreed. She started the class by asking the students, "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said one student.

"And the opposite of depression?"

"Elation," said another.

"And how about the opposite of woe?"

A tall beanpole of a young man raised his hand. She called on him to answer.

"I believe that would be giddy up," he drawled.

Top 10 reasons that are used to turn down the opposite sex
The Females Say...
10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that in-bred, banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You're an old fucker.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You are the ugliest fucker I've ever laid my eyes upon.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend
(who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's)
5. I don't date men where I work.
(Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me.
(It's not me, it's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I'm more...

A friend and I were golfing one day when at the 18th hole this guy comes out of nowhere and asks if he could join us.
I tell him, "Well, we're just about done but if you want to join us tomorrow you can. We start at 8 o'clock."
He said, "Great! I'll be here at 8 o'clock, maybe 8:35..."
So next day he shows up at 8 o'clock and plays scratch golf; he was good. We were going to play again the next day and we invited him to join us.
He said, "Great! I'll be here at 8 o'clock, maybe 8:35..."
So the next day he shows up at 8 o'clock, plays with his opposite hand, and shoots under par!
I'm a bit amazed with this guy so I ask him, "You're a pretty good golfer, beating us with scratch golf and then showing-off by playing just as good with your opposite hand. Just what is you secret?"
He said, "Well...when I wake up in the morning and my wife is lying on her left side, I play left-handed.
Or when I wake up in the more...