Osborne Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following advertisement appeared in one of the munition magazines:
The Guy on the Right Doesn't Stand a Chance. The guy on the right
has the Osborne 1, a fully functional computer system in a portable
package the size of a briefcase. The guy on the left has an Uzi
submachine gun concealed in his attache case. Also in the case are
four fully loaded, 32 round clips of 125 grain 9 mm ammunition.
The owner of the Uzi is going to get more tactical firepower
delivered-and delivered on target-in less time and with less
effort.
All for $795. It's inevitable.
If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1-or any
personal computer-he's the one whose in trouble. One round from an
Uzi can zip through ten inches of solid pine wood, so you can imagine
what it will do to structural foam acrylic and sheet aluminum. In
fact, detachable magazines for the Uzi are available in 25-, 32-, and
40-round capacities, so you can take out an more...

After coach Osborne dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on tour. He shows Mr. Osborne a little two-room house with a faded University of Nebraska banner hanging from the front porch.
"This is your house, coach. Most people don't get their own houses up here," God says. Mr. Osborne looks at the house, then turns around
and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge three-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows.
Michigan flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Michigan banner hangs between the marble columns.
"Thanks for the house, God. But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-room house with a faded banner and Lloyd Carr gets a mansion with new Michigan banners and flags flying all over the place.
"Why is that?" God looks at him seriously for a moment.
"That's not Carr's house," God says. "That's mine."