Others Jokes / Recent Jokes

I will not waste chalk... I will not skateboard in the halls... I will not burp in class... I will not draw naked ladies in class... I did not see Elvis... I will not call my teacher `Hot Cakes'... Garlic gum is not funny... They are laughing at me, not with me... I will not yell' fire' in a crowded classroom... I will not encourage others to fly... I will not fake my way through life... Tar is not a plaything... I will not Xerox my butt... I will not trade pants with others... I will not do that thing with my tongue... I will not drive the principal's car... I will not pledge allegiance to Bart... I will not sell school property... I will not instigate revolution...

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman. If you don't, you are not a man.
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying. If you don't, you are good for nothing.
If you agree to all her likes, she is abused. If you don't, you are not understanding.
If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man'. If you don't, you are half a man.
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring. If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.
If you are well-dressed, she says you are a playboy. If you aren't, you are a dull boy.
If you are jealous, she says it's bad. If you aren't, she thinks you do not love her.
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her. If you don't, she thinks you do not like her.
If you are a minute late, she complains it is hard to wait. If she is late, she says that's a girl's way.
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel. If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls'.
If you kiss her once more...

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman. If you don't, you are not a man.If you praise her, she thinks you are lying. If you don't, you are good for nothing.If you agree to all her likes, she is abused. If you don't, you are not understanding.If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man'. If you don't, you are half a man.If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring. If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.If you are well-dressed, she says you are a playboy. If you aren't, you are a dull boy.If you are jealous, she says it's bad. If you aren't, she thinks you do not love her.If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her. If you don't, she thinks you do not like her.If you are a minute late, she complains it is hard to wait. If she is late, she says that's a girl's way.If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel. If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls'.If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold. If you more...

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. I was born intelligent
- education ruined me. A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say.......... Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
so why practice? If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for? Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak. How come "abbreviated" is such a long word? Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.
One should love animals.
They are so tasty. Save water.
Shower with your girl friend. Love thy neighbor.
But don't get caught. Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not more...

by Donn Laurence Mills
If there were a basic training manual for orchestra players, it might include ways to practice not only music, but one-upmanship. It seems as if many young players take pride in getting the conductor's goat. The following rules are intended as a guide to the development of habits that will irritate the conductor. (Variations and additional methods depend upon the imagination and skill of the player.) Never be satisfied with the tuning note. Fussing about the pitch takes attention away from the podium and puts it on you, where it belongs. When raising the music stand, be sure the top comes off and spills the music on the floor. Complain about the temperature of the rehearsal room, the lighting, crowded space, or a draft. It's best to do this when the conductor is under pressure. Look the other way just before cues. Never have the proper mute, a spare set of strings, or extra reeds. Percussion players must never have all their equipment. Ask for a re-audition more...

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
The 1000 km journey always begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tyre.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper that's the time to do it.
It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
If you tell the truth, you more...

It is felt that for maximum enjoyment, you should respond out loud with your answers. You should treat each "yes" that you say as a personal catharsis of what you are doing wrong (or right depending on your opinion of nerdity) and each "no" may then be disputed by your peers. In this way, errors due to lying or personal oversight are avoided and the test also has a therapeutic effect for the closet nerd. As an aside, information gleaned about others should be treated confidentially. Each of us has a dork-side that we don`t want others to know about.

Experiment shows that nerdity CAN be cured! With effort and personal sacrifice... The nerdity quotient is a cross between proclivity toward as well as actual current status in nerddom. Some questions are "have you ever..." while others are "do you now...". The former register the fact that you have a propensity toward nerdity, while the later acknowledge the fact that you are currently more...