Others Jokes / Recent Jokes
THE IMPORTANT THINGS LIFE TEACHES US
1. Most Important Question.
During a students second month in a nursing school, the professor gave them a pop quiz. The students were a conscientious group and had breezed through the questions, until they read the last one:
What is the name of the women who cleans the school?
Surely this was some kind of joke they thought. They had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark hared and in her 50s, but how would they know her name?
They handed in their papers leaving the last question blank. Before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count towards the quiz grade. "Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello." They never forgot that lesson. They also learnt that the cleaning woman's name was Dorothy.
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2. more...
"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
-Stephen Bishop
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
-Samuel Johnson
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -Groucho
Marx
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved
of it."
- Mark Twain
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
-Oscar Wilde
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by more...
1. Look before you leap
He who hesitates is lost
2. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again
Don't beat your head against a brick wall
3. Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Out of sight, out of mind
4. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today
Don't cross the bridge until you come to it
5. Two heads are better than one
Paddle your own canoe
6. More haste less speed
Time waits for no man
7. You're never too old to learn
You can't teach an old dog new tricks
8. A word to the wise is sufficient
Talk is cheap
9. It's better to be safe than sorry
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
10. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts
11. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you
Nice guys finish last
12. Hitch your wagon to a star
Don't bite off more than you can chew
13. Many hands make light work
Too many cooks spoil the broth
14. Don't judge a more...
Things to do at a Bowling Alley
Everytime you throw exclaim "TAKE THAT, YOU!!!" continue this behavior until forcefully thrown out.
When ever a strike "X" appears on the screen, start yelling about how this is a Black Panther conspiracy.
Explain to the Owner how your game has been ruined due to Platetechtonics then loose him in lingo. Demand Compensation.
Bring Zippo fluid, light the pins on fire.
Wear Golf Shoes.
Pray to the pins, leave sacrifices.
Dress up like an amish man. Give speaches to others against the high technology used in bowling.
Play bocci with extra lane balls
Try to juggle the balls, when you drop them, start screaming about Platetechtonics again
Every ten minutes run the entire length of the building beating your own head and speaking in tounges, then sit down as if nothing happened.
Bring full angling gear, ask how they're more...
Things to do at a Bowling Alley Everytime you throw exclaim "TAKE THAT, YOU!!!" continue this behavior until forcefully thrown out. When ever a strike "X" appears on the screen, start yelling about how this is a Black Panther conspiracy. Explain to the Owner how your game has been ruined due to Platetechtonics then loose him in lingo. Demand Compensation. Bring Zippo fluid, light the pins on fire. Wear Golf Shoes. Pray to the pins, leave sacrifices. Dress up like an amish man. Give speaches to others against the high technology used in bowling. Play bocci with extra lane balls Try to juggle the balls, when you drop them, start screaming about Platetechtonics again Every ten minutes run the entire length of the building beating your own head and speaking in tounges, then sit down as if nothing happened. Bring full angling gear, ask how they're biting..... fish. Completely cover your ball in duct tape (sticky side out) then loudly complain about how your hook is off. more...
An apple, a banana and a penis are having a conversation.
Apple: I hate humans!
Others: Why?
Apple: They peel me, cut & eat me and throw my seeds away, thats why.
Banana: Is that all? I hate humans more than you do.
Others: Why?
Banana: They peel me, eat me, throw my skin away and step on it.
Penis: I hate humans the most.
Others: Why?
Penis: My master Puts this plastic bag over me, Put me in this really dark cave and make me do push-ups till I spew!
Boy: Men dress up to been seen by others.
Girl: Laughs and says girls dress down to be seen by others.