Owned Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked outside and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I punch you in the nose and note how long it takes you to recover, then you punch me in the nose and note how long it takes for me to recover, whomever recovers quicker wins the egg." The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman held the heaviest object he could find, took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and more...

A woman owned a parrot that could say only one thing “ "Who is it?" For years and years she had been trying to teach it to extend its vocabulary, but it resolutely refused to utter anything other than "Who is it?"
One day she had sent for the plumber, and as she had to go out shopping she arranged for him to find the key under the mat outside the front door. The plumber duly arrived, found the key, let himself in and set to work. Naturally the parrot, hearing someone in the house with an unfamiliar tread, decided to give a recital. "Who is it?" called the parrot. The plumber!" called the workman. Hearing a strange voice the parrot again decided to utter his one and only phrase. "Who is it?"
"The plumber!" came the response.
The parrot was not satisfied “ he wanted to see who the stranger was. "Who is it? He called again, and again the plumber yelled out "It`s the plumber!" Again and again the bird more...

An old lady owned two monkeys. One day they both died, so she took them to the taxodermist." So you want them mounted?" asked the taxidermist. To which she replied: "No. Holding hands will do just fine."

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