Punch Jokes

A Chinese man walked into a pub in New York with his pal.
He says to his pal, "Hey! That's Jurassic Park Director, Steven Spielberg over there! God, I wish he'll come over to say hi".
Spielberg suddenly walked over and gave the man a heavy punch on the nose.
"Hey! What's that for?!"
"You bloody Japanese killed my granddad when you bombed Pearl Harbour!"
"I'm not Japanese! I'm Chinese!"
"Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, you're all the same!"
Spielberg walks back.
The Chinese man calmly walks over and gives Spielberg a really heavy punch on the face.
"What... !?!"
"YOU BLOODY AMERICAN! YOU SANK THE TITANIC!"
"No, no, an iceberg sank the Titanic!"
"Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg, you're all the same!"

What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn't believe in retaliation:
1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force is appropriate.
2. When he says "No," ask, "Why not?"
3. Wait until he says something to the effect of "Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence."
4. When he's in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can.
5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would be awful and he should not cause more violence.
6. Wait until he agrees, and has pledged not to commit additional violence.
7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time.
8. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that sometimes it is necessary to punch back.

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hens eggs for breakfast. One day he looked outside and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishmans garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I punch you in the nose and note how long it takes you to recover, then you punch me in the nose and note how long it takes for me to recover, whomever recovers quicker wins the egg."The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman held the heaviest object he could find, took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and more...

Santa and Banta are at work, digging a hole. Banta asks Santa other, "Why is that guy up there sitting under the tree while we do all the work?"
Santa said that he doesn't know, so he goes up and asks him why.
The guy under the tree says, "Because I have intelligence."
Santa says, "What's that?"
So the guy under the tree stands up and says, "Punch me as hard as you can."
Santa winds up and punches him, but the intelligent guy moves away and the digger punches the tree. His hand is now killing him.
Santa says, "Oh, I think I know what it is now."
He goes back down to Banta.
Banta asks, "So why are we doing all the work?"
Santa replies, "Because he has intelligence."
Banta says, "What's that."
Santa looks around for a tree, but doesn't see one, so he puts his hand in front of his face and says, "Punch my hand as hard as you can."

Gregory was a boy who was always beaten up by a bully who everyone called: "The Demon". Everyday, "The Demon" would punch Gregory in the stomach without any warning. And Gregory always got a stomachache.
Now, Gregory wasn't very smart. He often confused things with other things and ended up in trouble. But Gregory didn't know. And Gregory had 7-9 fears and takes them seriously. He has a fear of telling a teacher on someone, so that's a reason why he's letting The Demon punch him.
The doctor told him that if he continued to be punched, that he would get a stomach bruise - which wasn't good at all.
So, Gregory and his father were having a father-to-son conversation about this problem.
"Son, why are you letting 'The Demon' punch you everyday?"
"I dunno dad."
"Well, you can't just let him punch you in the stomach."
"Really, dad?"
"Yes, really."
The next day, Gregory came home with more...