Pace Jokes / Recent Jokes

Years of Bad Sex
A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch. Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
Suddenly the wife stopped, grabbed her cane, and with a loud and hard WHACK hit her husband across the shins.
His eyes watered and tears ran down his cheeks. When he finally caught his breath he gasped and asked, "What'd you do that for?""
"That's for fifty years of bad sex," she said.
He nodded his head, but said nothing. Slowly they began to rock again. Again they kept pace. Back and forth, back and forth they rocked, until suddenly the man stopped, and picked up his cane. He reached over and with a loud, sharp WHACK, he hit his wife across the shins.
As soon as her eyes quit watering and she could speak she asked, "What was that for?"
That," said her husband as he more...

Japan meters

Japanese tourist arrived in New Delhi. While travelling a taxi, he happened
to observe that everything in India moved at a slower pace compared to his own
country. Unable to contain himself, he said to the taxi driver, "Your taxis
are slow, Japanese taxis go very fast. Look at your buses, They ply at snail's
pace. In Japan buses run like hell. Look at speed of your Motor cycles, Japan
motor cycles seem to talk to air". At the end of Journey, the taxi fare
amounted to Rs 100/-.
What! exclaimed the furious Japanese. "Your meter runs too fast".
"Yes, Why not? ", said the taxi driver. "It's after all made in Japan, Sir! ".

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've this great rooster, named Randy. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Randy the rooster costs a lot of money, but, farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Randy and takes the rooster home. He then sets him down in the barnyard and gives the rooster a pep talk, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. "So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer ended with a chuckle. Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house, and Randy took off like a shot. WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the hen house three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that the farmer hears a commotion in the more...

One day a farmer decided that he wanted to expand his chicken farming. In order to do this he would need a stud rooster. He asked around his fellow farmers and the general consensus was that the best rooster was from a far away town. His name was Randy. The farmer went to this far away town and met with Randy's owner. The owner confirmed that Randy was indeed the best, but would come at an expensive price. After much deliberation, the farmer decided to invest in Randy.
When the farmer got home, he sat down with Randy and explained what he needed and reinforced the great expense he went through to obtain Randy. He told him that while he expected Randy to perform, he also expected Randy to pace himself. The farmer released Randy in the hen house and Randy went wild. Feathers where flying and Randy was servicing every hen in the house. The farmer reiterated to Randy the necessity of pace. The next day, Randy not only went flying through the hen house, but also went after the dog, more...

It's not the pace of life that bothers me; it's the sudden stop at the end.

On the fourth night of their honeymoon, the blissful newlyweds turned off the lights and crawled under the covers.
Turning towards his bride, he tenderly informed her that tonight, for a change of pace, he wanted a hand job instead of the usual stuff. Being the proper girl that she was, she had no idea what a 'hand job' was.
She quickly got out of bed, put on her robe and headed for the phone to call her mother.
"Mom, he wants a hand job and I don't know what he means," she whispered.
"Oh, honey," her mother replied, "it's really quite simple. Just grab it and shake it like you're trying to get ketchup out of a bottle."
"Gee, Mom, that does sound easy enough. Thanks," she replied, hanging up the phone.
She then removed her robe and crawled back into bed. Snuggling up to her new husband, she grabbed his member firmly with one hand and began smacking the end of it with the other hand.

These 2 nuns went out the convent to sell cookies. One of them is
known as
Sister Mathematical (S. M.), the other is known as Sister Logical (S. L.). It
is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
S. L.: Have you noticed a man that has been following us for the past half
hour?
S. M.: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
S. L.: It's logical. It's logical. He wants to rape us.
S. M.: Oh, no! At this pace he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most.
What
can we do?
S. L.: The only logical thing to do of course. We have to start walking
faster.
S. M.: It is not working.
S. L.: Of course it is not working. The man did the only logical thing to do.
He also started to walk faster.
S. M.: So, what shall we do? At this pace, he will reach us in less than 1
minute.
S. L.: The only logical thing we can do is to split. You go that way and I
will go this way. He cannot follow both of more...