Paddy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: 'I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.'
His second friend says: 'I think my wife is having an affair with the plummer the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.'
Paddy says: 'I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.' Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. 'No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.'

Two builders (Paddy and Shamus) are seated either side of table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a Guinness and sits on a stool at the bar.
So Paddy and Shamus start to speculate about the occupation of the suit...
Paddy: I reckon he's an accountant. Shamus: No bleedin way, he's a stockbroker. Paddy: He ain't no bleedin stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't be seen dead in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of Guinness gets the better of Paddy and he makes for the toilet.
On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several Guinness get the better of the Paddy...
Paddy: Scuse me sir... no offence meant, but me and me mate Shamus were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession! Paddy: Oh! What's dat den? Suit: I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home? Paddy: Er .. mmm... well yeah, I do as it more...

Paddy and mick go into the woods to go hunting.during the night paddy wakes up and spots sonething in the distance he wakes up mick and says Look mick.
when mick looks over a mans head is hanging out of a crocodiles mouth then paddy says that bastards got a lacoste sleeping bag.

Paddy and Mick go to the bar, as they sit with their drink a guy walks in with a bag over his shoulder.Putting the bag on the bar he asks the barman if he wanted to buy any fish.The barman says"Those fish are alive, were did you get them from?" The guy says"Over the hill is a bridge, and down by the bridge the fish jump, so as they jump you grab the fish and put them into the bag."As Paddy and Mick were listening they decide to go and try to catch the fish.Paddy says to Mick" If I hang over the bridge You hold onto my legs and when I catch a fish I will shot it to you Mick OK?" "OK" Mick replies.So Paddy is dangling by his legs while Mick is holding onto his legs. Afew minutes pass and Mick shouts to Paddy"You got one yet Paddy?" "NO" says Paddy. A few more minutes pass and He asks again"You got one yet Paddy?" "Not yet Mick" He replies. At that Paddies legs start to kick out."Oh Paddy You got one more...

Paddy lurches out of the pub and bumps straight into Father Murphy, the village priest.
"Patrick," says the priest, "I am so sorry to see you come out of such a place as that!"

"Well, then," says Paddy, turning around, "I will go right back."

Paddy and Mick shared first prize of $500,000 in the Irish Sweepstakes and were celebrating their winnings over a jar of stout.
"But Paddy, Oi've been thinking," Mick said with a worried frown, "what will we do with all them beggin' letters?"
"Shure," said Paddy, "we'll go on sending 'em out."