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An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy.
An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.
There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked "Could I have a fucketplease?" The assistant asked"Pardon sir?". " Can I have a fucket please?" Replied the man. "Oh you mean a bucket!" The shop assistant replied. The old man said "Yes, that's what I said". So the man paid for hisbucket and went into the antique shop. In the antique shop he went to the cashier and asked -"Can I have a cock please?" The cashier looked very puzzled and asked "Pardon?". The man again asked "Can I have a cock please?" The cashier replied "Oh you mean a clock! - yes certainly sir." So he paid for the clock and walked out of the shop. The next stop was to the bakers. He went to the assistant andasked "Can I have a bum please?" The assistant said "Sorry sir what did you say?". more...
Economics is the only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing.
An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.
Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."
Practice economy at ANY cost.
A married man we know quite well relaxed on a recent business trip by enjoying a lively weekend with a lively blonde. Not long after returning to the home office, however, a rather shifty individual paid him a visit and said, with the nasty innuendo of a professional blackmailer, "Remember that trip you took? Remember that blonde?" The answer to both questions was
"Yes."
"Well, mister," said the unsavory one, "it just so happens that I have photographs of everything that you and her did."
"Everything?" gulped our friend.
"Everything! See?" He spread a half-dozen highly detailed snapshots on the desk and after giving them a chance to make the proper impression, asked, "What are you gonna do about it, mister?"
"Well," drawled our friend coolly, "I'll take one of these, two of those, and five of this one over here. Can I have them tinted?"
A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender tells him he owes $8. "But I already paid you! Don't you remember?" says the customer. "Okay," says the bartender, "if you said you paid, then I suppose you did." The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man then rushes in, orders a beer, and later pulls the same stunt. The barkeep replies, "Okay, if you said you paid, then I suppose you did." The customer then goes outside, sees a friend, and tells him how to get free drinks. The third man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highballs. Some time later, the bartender leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid, and both claimed that they had paid. The next guy who tries that stunt is going to get his ass...." The man interrupts, "Don't bother me more...
A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9. 00. "But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer. "Okay," says the bartender, "If you say you paid, you did." The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid. The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt. The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it." Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks. The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched in the face." "Don't bother me with your troubles," more...
Top ten reasons why owning a plumbing contracting business is similar to running a bordello...
Most "service work" by employees is done either while kneeling, or while flat on their backs.
While on the job, most employees have their butt cracks, bare midriff, and other parts of their anatomy exposed.
When a customer hires you, they know up front they're going to pay through the nose.
Unless they've been through the process before, your customer tends to be very nervous initially, then accepting and even enjoying what's taking place during, and in the end, usually feel relaxed, and feel like that they've gotten their money's worth.
If they don't feel they've gotten their money's worth, the response is universally the same: "I've been screwed!"
The government, from local law enforcement to EPA to Public Health and everyone in between, is determined to drive you out of business with nit-picking regulations and stupid laws which criminalize more...