Paid Jokes / Recent Jokes

Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, who four months ago won the Super Bowl in just his second NFL season, was seriously hurt in a motorcycle wreck yesterday in which he wasn't wearing a helmet.
Roethlisberger underwent seven hours of surgery after suffering a broken jaw, broken nose and cracking his head open.
Answering reporters' questions from his hospital bed, the football star had this to say:
"Listen, I get paid many millions of dollars to wear a helmet at my day job. Game after handsomely paid game I have to sweat inside that confining, life-saving device. When I'm off the field and on my bike, I want to be free and unencumbered. I want to be able to feel the wind in my hair and, more recently, a windshield against my face. Because that's'my time.' Hey, why are you all twins?"
A visibly exhausted Roethlisberger then kissed a framed bedside photo of Gary Busey and drifted off into a light coma.

Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill."
Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on.
"Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."

GUJARATIS have problem pronouncing the word wrap and usually render it rape. Kannadigas go one better; they spell the word the way our gujju friends pronounce it. A Hari Prakash of Bangalore writes of an accountant of a local weekly who, when the publication was delayed, had to hire casual labour to wrap magazines in brown paper for posting. In the cash payment voucher he entered the explanation, "paid to casual labour towards raping charges." "If the work load was heavy, the entry often read, "paid to casual labour towards raping through out the night."

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.
"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.
"Okay," says the bartender, "If you said you paid, you did."
The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.
The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.
The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."
Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.
The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the more...

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4. Google Telegraph - Dash-Dot, Dash-Dash-Dash, Dash.
3. Google Gaggle - The only search engine for geese.
2. Google Invading Force - Some pesky third world country got you down? Send in the more...

A married couple, both avid golfers, was discussing the future one night.
"Honey", the wife said, "if I were to die and you were to remarry, would you two live in this house?"
"I suppose so - it's paid for."
"How about our car? Continued the woman. "Would the two of you keep that?
"I suppose so - it's paid for."
"What about my golf clubs? Would you let her use them too?
"Heck, no," the husband blurted out. "She is left-handed."

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00."But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer. "Okay," says the bartender, "If you said you paid, you did." The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid. The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it." Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks. The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose." "Don't bother me with your more...