Pain Jokes / Recent Jokes

Kissing is a habit
Fu.. is a game
The Guy gets all the pleasure
The Girl gets all the pain
The Guy says he loves you
And the girl thinks that it is true
But when the tummy starts swelling
The guy says a hell with you
16 minutes of pleasure
9 months of pain
3 days in the hospital
A child with no name
The child is a Bastard
The mother's named a Whore
This wouldn't have happend
If the Rubber hade'nt tore.....

One of the women in the ski group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away.
If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know that a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters. So, with time running out, the woman weighed her options.
Her husband, picking up on the intensity of her pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods. No one would even notice, he assured her. The white will provide more than adequate camouflage. So she headed for the tree line, began disrobing and proceeded to do
her thing. If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is
a right way and a wrong way to set your skis so you don't move. Yup, you got it. She had them more...

One day, a man walked into the dentist"s office for some dental work.
The dentist said, "Sir, you have a tooth I must pull, What type of pain killer would you like?"
The man looked at the dentist and said, "None, thanks, I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life."
The dentist said, "Sir, pulling this tooth Will be painful, I suggest a painkiller." The man looked back at the dentist and said, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, Nothing else will ever compare."
The dentist said, "Sir, I"m telling you, use a painkiller."
The man again said to the dentist, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, I do not need painkillers, now pull the tooth."
The dentist then said, "Okay, You asked for it, But first, tell me what was the second greatest pain in your life?"
The man said, "Yes, I remember it well. I was hunting in some woods more...

One day, a man walked into the dentist"s office for some dental work.The dentist said, "Sir, you have a tooth I must pull, What type of pain killer would you like?"The man looked at the dentist and said, "None, thanks, I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life."The dentist said, "Sir, pulling this tooth Will be painful, I suggest a painkiller." The man looked back at the dentist and said, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, Nothing else will ever compare."The dentist said, "Sir, I"m telling you, use a painkiller."The man again said to the dentist, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, I do not need painkillers, now pull the tooth."The dentist then said, "Okay, You asked for it, But first, tell me what was the second greatest pain in your life?"The man said, "Yes, I remember it well. I was hunting in some woods north of here one snowy day. Walking more...

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth, and the doctor told them that he had developed an experimental machine and asked if they'd like to try it out. He explained carefully that the machine could take some of the pain of childbirth from the mother and give it to the father.
Both the husband and the wife thought this was a wonderful (and very fair) idea, and decided to give it a try.
The doctor set the knob on the machine to ten percent for starters, explaining to the man that even ten percent was probably more pain than he had ever experienced. But the man was surprised at how little pain he felt and asked the doctor to go ahead and turn it up a notch. The doctor twisted the knob up to twenty percent and checked the husband's blood pressure, which was fine.
Amazed, the doctor turned the knob again and increased the pain threshold to fifty percent. Still feeling nothing, the husband encouraged the doctor to give him ALL the pain. Again, dumbfounded, more...

Artery - Study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door of cafeteria
Barium - What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel - Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section - District in Rome
Cat scan - Searching for kitty
Cauterize - Made eye contact with her
Colic - Sheep dog
Coma - A punctuation mark
Congenital - Friendly
D&C - Where Washington is
Diarrhea - Journal of daily events
Dilate - To live long
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - Quicker
Fibula - A small lie
G.I. Series - Soldiers' ball game
Grippe - Suitcase
Hangnail - Coathook
Impotent - Distinguished, well known
Intense pain - Torture in a teepee
Labor pain - Got hurt at work
Medical staff - Doctor's cane
Morbid - Higher offer
Nitrate - Cheaper than day rate
Node - Was aware of
Outpatient - Person who had fainted
Pelvis - Cousin of Elvis
Post operative - Letter carrier
Protein - Favoring young people
Rectum - It almost more...

Q. My childbirth instructor says it`s not pain I`ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.