Pal Jokes / Recent Jokes

A few nights ago a few friends and I were in a bar, telling all the polish jokes we knew; boy what a feast! Anyway, I ducked into the restroom to sprinkle the old porcelain. While I was in there, this big guy came in and said to me, "Hey pal, I'm Polish and I don't like you telling all those Polish jokes!"

So I said, "Well, they're not against you, pal, just against anyone in Poland."

"My mother is in Poland!" He screams, and pulls out a razor.

Boy was I scared! I was sure he would have killed me if he had found a place to plug it in.

Tondo, Manila
May 16, 1957 Dearest Pal. Hello! How's life going on there. I hope that you are in good health upon receiving my letter or may be you got suspened "coz" you did not expect that you can receive a letter from me. But before the world prolong into a line may I ask first you a gretest apology if ever I disturb you rest and relaxation expecially that when you are in concentration of you studying. And at the same time Pal, I greet you pleasant hello. I hope you can enjoing your life there. Pal, maybe you ask to yourself there if were came I know your name. By the pal, I found your name from column of song hit. And then I decide to make this letter for the reason that I want also a friend in other places so don't think any malice here my lettter okey!. But before I go to further may I introduce first my simple personality to you. Well....... beginning for the love of my parent they got a boy and have a name. My name is Joseph Marcelo Ejercito a fourth year high more...

THE MAN'S POINTS SYSTEMFor all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here itis: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the womanhappy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something shedislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doingsomething she expects... Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system: SIMPLE DUTIESYou make the bed...+1 You make the bed, but forget to add thedecorative pillows... 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpledsheets...-1 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light pantyliners with wings...+5 But return with beer. ..-5 You check out asuspicious noise at night. .. 0 You check out a suspicious noise andit's nothing... 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it'ssomething....+5 You pummel it with a six iron....+10 It's herfather...-10 You leave the toilet seat up...-5 You replace thetoilet-paper roll when it's empty... 0 When the toilet-paper roll isbarren, you resort to more...

I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I cant break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning.""What is she doing?", the pal asks."Waiting for me to get home."

A police officer pulled over a red Porsche after it had run a stop sign. "May I see your driver's license and registration please?" the officer asked.
"What's the problem, officer?"
"Your just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection."
"Oh, come on pal, there wasn't a car within miles of me."
"Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a full and complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution."
"You gotta be kidding me!"
"It's no joke, sir."
"Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles, and proceeded with caution."
"That's beside the point, sir. You are supposed to come to a full and complete stop, and you didn't. Now if I may see your license and registration."
"You've got a lot of time on your hands, PAL! What's the matter, all the doughnut shops closed?"
"Sir, I'll more...

"Did I tell you about the new woman in the personnel department?" my pal asked.
"Nope," I replied.
"Well I went down to her office, to take a look at her PC the other day and we had quite a long chat about cars. I was telling her about my new Jag and as soon as I mentioned it, she started telling me that she’s got an itchy pussy."
I gulped and asked, "And what did you say to that?"
"I said, I’m not in the slightest bit impressed," my pal continued, "I’d rather have a sports car any day, because I think all of those Japanese four-by-fours look the same."

A mangy looking guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "No way, pal. I don't think you can pay for it."
"You're right, " the guy says, "I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before will you give me a drink?"
"You have a deal my friend," says the bartender.
The guy reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar, it runs to the end of the bar, down the side of the bar, across the room, up the piano, onto the keyboard and starts playing Gerswhin.
"You're right I haven't heard anyting like that before," says the bartender. "The hamster is really gifted."
The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. "Will that be cash or another miracle, pal?" asks the bartender.
"Watch this," replies the guy.
Again, he reaches into his coat and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog onto the more...