Pandit Jokes

A BRAHMIN priest and the driver of a Redline bus died the same day, and were presented before the Dharamraj to be told whether they would be sent to heaven or hell. The Pandit pleaded his case - the life-long efforts he had made to get people to take the name of Rama.
'You made it into a trade; you go to hell,' ordered Dharamraj.
Without so much as questioning the Redline bus driver, he ordered him to be given a place in heaven. When the Pandit protested at the injustice, Dharamraj replied,' You failed in your mission. This man succeeded without trying. Every time anyone boarded his bus, he said, "Hey Ram" and kept repeating the holy name till he got off.'

Ever thought, What would happen if temples were Americanised...
Before Pooja the pandit will not ask for your name anymore. Your social security number will do. ..
Two types of prasad will be available - Normal Prasad & Diet Prasad. ..
Panchamrut will be of 4 types: Normal milk, 2% milk, Skimmed milk and fat-free milk (The same for yogurt). ..
You don't tip the pandit on the plate, when he gives the prasad. You should swipe your visa card on his scanner. ..
You no more go around the temple from left to right. This is America and everything here is from right to left. ..
Due to fire hazard, no more aarati, only flashlights will be used. ..
To prevent noise pollution, all bhaktas need to use head phones to listen GONG of the bell ..during flashlight-tee (aar-tee).
Soft copies of lord are on sale at $1 per image. ..
The pandit will no longer read the mantra from books, he will use his laptop instead. ..
The temple would re-cycle the flowers used more...

1. Binglish (for Bombay_English).

2. Bhindi (for Bombay_Hindi)

3. This list is perpetually incomplete since the evolution of this language can never possibly cease.

4. Bhindi/Binglish: Pronunciations are in brackets following the words.

5. Chikna - Stands for any good looking fellow. Chikna actually means smooth.

6. Keeda - An absolute pest.

7. Jhakaas - Superb. Excellent.

8. Haila! - This originated from "Hai Allah! " but I don't think 99% of the users know about this. Haila would translate to "Oh God!"

9. ChappanTikkli/Punter/Tapori/Shana - Roadside loafer. Tapori is among the most commonly used words in Bhindi.

10. Bevada / Gutter / Taankee / Batli / JohnnyWalker - A Drunk.

11. Saand - A boisterous or an exceeding brash guy.

12. Chotay - For any kid working in a Tapri. If the shop has more than one kid all would have to be more...

A CERTAIN Hindi zealot went to Pandit Harichand Akhtar and as if to help enlarge the latter's vocabulary, said, "Hindi hamaare Bharat hi rashtra bhasha hai. Isliye, ah cycle rickshaw-puller ko tritiya chakra vahak kahajayega." (Hindi is the national language of Bharat. Therefore, now the cycle rickshaw-puller will be called tritiya chakra vahak.)
Pandit Akhtar drew a deep sigh and said, "Kaampahle hi se zaleel thha. Ab naam bhi zaleel hogaya. " (The profession of a rickshaw-puller was already undignified. Now the name also has become undignified.)