Par Jokes

1 INDIAN FUJI APNI MAAN KO 1965 KAY JANG KI GOLA BARI KAY BARAY MAIN BATA RAHA THA TU US KI MAAN BOLI BETA TUM BHAG KAR DARAKHT (TREE) PAR CHAR JATAY TU FUJI BOLA AMAAN DARAKHT PEHLAY HI OFFICERS KAY LEAY KAM PAR GAEE THAY

A retired gentleman spent most afternoons at the local golf course. Every day he would spend about 3 hours out on the course, playing a round by himself. When he would return to the club house, the resident pro would inquire about his score. "Ed, how'd you shoot today?", to which the man would always reply, "Another perfect par."

The golf pro (being of average intelligence) knew that there was no way the old man was shooting straight par every day, but since he was a regular customer, he didn't want to insult the man by accusing him of lying.

Finally, one day, the pro decided to accompany the old man on his daily round, just to see for himself. On the first tee, the older gentleman sliced the ball way off into the rough. He found his ball, but his second shot was even worse. Finally putting it into the first hole (a par 4) took him 8 swings. The golf pro thought to himself "I knew it. This guy's been lying all this time. There is no way more...

Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable uh-voy'-duh-buhl: What a bullfighter tries to do. Baloney uh-lo'-nee: Where some hemlines fall. Bernadette urn'-a-det: The act of torching a mortgage. Burglarize ur'-gler-ize: What a crook sees with. Counterfeiters kown-ter-fit-ers: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets. Eclipse e-klips': What an English barber does for a living. Eyedropper i'-drop-ur: A clumsy ophthalmologist. Heroes hee'-rhos: What a guy in a boat does. Left Bank left' bangk': What the robber did when his bag was full of loot. Misty mis'-tee: How golfers create divots. Paradox par'-uh-doks: Two physicians. Parasites par'-uh-sites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower. Pharmacist farm'-uh-sist: A helper on the farm. Polarize po'-lur-ize: What penguins see with.

A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11: 00 news. The current news story was about a man up on a ledge and threatening to jump. The station cuts to a commercial. Brunette: I bet you $20 he's going to jump. Blonde: OK. par (back to newscast) par He jumps. Blonde: OK Here's my $20. Brunette: No, that was too easy. I can't take it. Blonde: I insist. I lost. Brunette: I have a confession to make. I saw the same thing on the 6: 00 news and knew he jumped. So it wasn't really a good bet. Blonde: I know. I saw the same newscast. But I didn't think he would be stupid enough to jump twice.

A man is telling a story... "I was playing golf, and even though I am usually a pretty good player, I was playing horribly that day. As I was about to tee off at the fourth hole I heard a voice say, "three wood." I looked around and no one was behind me so I took my stance. Then once again I heard "three wood." I looked down and there was a frog at the corner of the tee box, and he was telling me to use my three wood. I thought it was stupid but I was playing so badly that I thought nothing could hurt me so I took out my three wood. It was a long par four, and I hit the ball straight 250 yards with that three wood. Since the frog seemed to be lucky I picked him up and took him along with me. At the next whole he told me to use my five iron. It was a par three and I got my first hole in one ever. I made a least a birdie on all the rest of the holes, and all I had to do was listen to that frog.
That night I took the frog to the casino in my hotel. We played more...