Handicap Jokes

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

A businessman was attending a conference in Africa. He had a free day and wanted to play a round of golf. He was directed to a golf course in the nearby jungle. After a short journey, he arrived at the course and asked the pro if he could to play.

"Sure," said the Pro, " But what's your handicap?"

Not wanting to admit that he had an 18 handicap, he decided to cut it a bit. "Well, it's 16," said the businessman,"But what's the relevance since I'll be playing alone."

"No, it's very important for us to know," said the pro who then called a caddy. "Go out with this gentleman," said the Pro, "his handicap is 16." The businessman was very surprised at this constant reference to his handicap. The caddy picked up the businessman's bag and a large rifle; again the businessman was surprised but decided to ask no questions.

They arrived on the 1st hole, a par 4. "Please avoid more...

A businessman was attending a Conference in Africa. He had a free day and wanted to play a round of Golf. He asked whether there was any course in thevicinity and was directed to one in the jungle.

After a short journey, he arrived at the Course and advised the Pro that he wanted to play 18 holes.

“Sure, ” said the Pro, “What’s your Handicap? ”

“Well, it’s 16, ” said the Businessman, “But I don’t see the relevance since I shall be playing alone. ”

“No, it’s very important for us to know, ” said the Pro. The Pro then called a Caddy.

“Go out with this Gentleman, ” said the Pro, “his handicap is 16. ”

The businessman was very surprised at this constant reference to his handicap. However, he paid it no more attention. The Caddy picked up the businessman’s bag and a large Rifle which he slung over his shoulder. Again the businessman was surprised but decided to ask no more...

Ron and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ron suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ron out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said,' Edna, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ron, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.

I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna more...

An 80 year old who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play but was told there wasn't anybody he could play with because they were already out on the course.
He repeated several times that he really wanted to play. Finally the Assistant Pro said he would play with him and would give him a 12 stroke handicap. The 80 year old said, "I really don't need a handicap as I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps."
Coming to the 18th hole, while the 80 year old was ahead, the old man had a long drive, but it landed in
one of the sand traps around the hole. Shooting from the sand trap he hit a very high ball which landed on the green and rolled into the hole!
The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still standing. He said "Nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?"
The more...