Parent Jokes / Recent Jokes
Come here, you greedy wretch. Ill teach you to eat all your sisters birthday chocs. Its all right Dad, I know how!
With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, our schedule was hectic. To add to this, we kept running out of household supplies. I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a note pad on the refrigerator. As a reminder, I wrote at the top: "IF WE ARE OUT OF IT, WRITE IT DOWN." When I checked the pad a few days later, to my delight I found the following message: "MOM, YOU MAY BE A BIT OLD-FASHIONED, BUT YOU ARE NOT' OUT OF IT."'
A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink. The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back and see me."
The principal was very proud of his school's academic record.' It is very impressive.' said one parent who was considering sending his son there.' How do you maintain such high standards?'
' Simple,' said the principal.' The school motto says it all.'
' What's that?' asked the parent.
' If at first you don't succeed, you're expelled.'
For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children. She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren."Oh, Ive done all the talking, and Im so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?"
Young Bobby was being fitted for glasses, and his father, standing beside him, said, "Now, remember, son. Dont wear them when youre not looking at anything."
One can track evolution in how parents treat each new child in turn, when the kid drops a pacifier on the floor:
1st kid - boil it, then give it back to the kid.
2nd kid - run it under hot water, then give it back to the kid.
3rd kid - lick it off, then give it back to the kid.
4th kid - give it to to the dog to lick off, then give it back to the kid.
(Michael J. Fox parent of 4, on Letterman, 6/30/09)
Having one child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee.
(David Frost)
Any astronomer can predict with absolute accuracy just where every star in the universe will be at 11.30 tonight. He can make no such prediction about his teenage daughter.
(James T. Adams)
Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.
(Jim Bishop)
Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off.
(Ralph more...