Parody Jokes / Recent Jokes
"The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen" by Bob Rivers
Sung to the Tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"
The restroom door said gentlemen
So I just walked inside
I took two steps and realized I'd been taken for a ride
I heard high voices
And I saw the place was occupied
By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse
What could be worse
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse
The restroom door said gentlemen
It must have been a gag
As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag
She sprayed me with a can of mace and hit me with her bag
I could tell this just wouldn't be my day,
What can I say
It just wasn't turning out to be my day
The restroom door said gentlemen
And I would like to find
The crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the sign
Cause I've got two black eyes and one high heel up my behind
Now I can't sit with comfort and more...
*"Being John McEnroe"
People line up to see what's it's like to be an immature tennis star who gets dumped by Tatum O'Neal. Followed by yet another sequel: "Being John Mellencamp."
*"Tricentennial Man"
Robin Williams plays a robot who cries so much he rusts himself stiff.
*"Double Jeopardy 2"
Ashley Judd is framed for the murder of Alex Trebek. Co-stars Tommy Lee Jones as Pat Sajak.
*"The Milk-Bone Collector"
Denzel Washington plays a quadriplegic mailman trying to catch a psychotic dog who is terrorizing U.S. postal workers.
*"Bringing Out the Dead II"
A documentary on Al Gore and Bill Bradley's campaign speeches.
*"The D.A.R.E.
Witch Project" Three drug-abuse counselors vanish in the Maryland woods while trying to do an intervention with a heroin- addicted witch. It cost a mere $12.75 to make because it was filmed entirely by more...
The Top 10 Other Retractions Printed by the NY Times in 1998
10' 'Earlier this year, the Times mistakenly reported that software magnate Bill Gates is a money-hungry, maladapted, socially awkward loser. He is, in fact, a bloodsucking cob-nobbler. The Times regrets the error.''
9' 'We wish to apologize for calling the former Australian Prime minister, Paul Keating, the lowest slime-ball in the country. We meant in THEIR country.''
8' 'Due to a typographical error yesterday, we mistakenly printed the entire Wall Street Journal under our banner. It should have been the Washington Post. Sorry.''
7' 'Okay, so it was a blue dress, not a red skirt. Get off our backs already!''
6' 'Recently, pop singer George Michael was caught masturbating in a public restroom. He was not, as reported in this newspaper, actually choking a chicken.''
5' 'It has come to the attention of the Times that disk jockey Fred LeFebvre of KISS-FM in more...
Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called' 'the world.''
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.
There...feeling better now?
Abbreviation #1: whrthfckuben?
Previously long phrase: "Goodness, it's been a long time since we've chatted, hasn't it?"
Abbreviation #2: utypliksht
Previously long phrase: "Say, have you heard that there is a new Evelyn Wood's speed-typing course?"
Abbreviation #3: ugoturhdupyrass?
Previously long phrase: "Are you sure about that?"
Abbreviation #4: sowenugtoutofjail?
Previously long phrase: "So, what have you been up to lately, Bugs?"
Abbreviation #5: tkurabbrevsandshuvem
Previously long phrase: "Wouldn't you rather just type the whole phrase out?"
---
Editor's Note: Sound' em out...
If you happen to end up in a Halloween or horror movie, it is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules to help keep yourself healthy, happy and safe (in other words, not dead).
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or go alone. Hit the first person that says, "Let's split up."
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell. It's just not that more...
It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news.
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Little Debbie, and Captain Crunch.
The gravesite was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for more...