Password Jokes / Recent Jokes

9. E-mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy."
8. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
7. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt. recreational. catnip.
6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it... and a strange aroma of tuna.
5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computers, Inc. about thier release of "CyberDog."
4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.
3. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II.
2. On IRC you're known as the IronMouser.
and the #1 Sign Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password...
1. Little kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.

My computer crashed and died today And I thought, "oh well what the hey" Now I'd have time to clean my house And see if I still had a spouseIt started out with weird frustrations Combined with mild heart palpitations And then my ankles began to swell Withdrawal symptoms from no AOLChills ran up and down my spine Oh, God I had to get on-line To greet my buds and check my mail I began to feel helpless and frailThen I remembered the Good Guy's Store And all those computers by the door I'd go there and when alone With no one looking I'd sign-onI stepped up to a computer, clicked on AOL The Sign-On screen came up, man it sure looked swell I clicked on the Guest name, then came the modem soundI was having cold-sweats, as my heart began to poundThen I typed my password, and the computer said, "Goodbye" And that's what I kept hearing each time that I would try. This was just an evil plot, the store was playing tricks If only they had known how bad I need my AOL more...

An elderly man dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates Saint Peter welcomes him but states that the man must know how to spell the secret password to get in.
The old man replies, "You mean I don't have to know it, I just have to spell it?"
Saint Peter says, "Yes, that is correct, all you have to do is spell 'LOVE.'"
The old mans spells out L-O-V-E with excitement. Saint Peter opens the gate and says, "Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter asks the old man if he could guard the gate for a few minutes while he goes to see God.
The old man does so and while he is waiting, his wife suddenly appears in a flash. He asked her what she was doing there.
She tells him that on the way home from the funeral, she had a bad accident and died then asks him to open the gate and let her in.
He tells her that she must spell the secret password first in order to get in.
She says "Okay, what is the word?"
He replies, more...

CORPORATE DIRECTIVE NUMBER 88-570471
In order to increase the security of all company computing facilities, and to avoid the possibility of unauthorized use of these facilities, new rules are being put into effect concerning the selection of passwords. All users of computing facilities are instructed to change their passwords to conform to these rules immediately.
RULES FOR THE SELECTION OF PASSWORDS:
1. A password must be at least six characters long, and must not contain two occurrences of a character in a row, or a sequence of two or more characters from the alphabet in forward or reverse order. Example: HGQQXP is an invalid password. GFEDCB is an invalid password.
2. A password may not contain two or more letters in the same position as any previous password. Example: If a previous password was GKPWTZ, then NRPWHS would be invalid because PW occurs in the same position in both passwords.
3. A password may not contain the name of a month or an abbreviation for a more...

I am reminded of a real life incident of about 10 years ago.
I was working in a Wall Street investment bank when someone from the
information technology group came by our office asking us to enter our
passwords in the new software system.
My colleague Barry, with his usual rebellious attitude, entered the
password "Penis".
We all fell on the floor with laugher when the computer replied:
"Password rejected. Too short."

Once Morron entered a cybercafe to check his mails. It was crowded so he had to wait. As he waited he saw a man checking his mails. He stood behind him and watched. The man typed his password and was waiting when morron cried out "Yes yes I know your password. I can read your mails now.
"Surprised the man asked "Oh yeah, tell me what is it".
Morron replied " Five stars."

A new blonde employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password. No, it's not the usual caps-lock problem.
"The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," she says.
"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician explains, "so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password."
"Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me."