Pat Jokes / Recent Jokes

FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director

TO: Everyone
RE: Christmas Party
DATE: December 1

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 2
RE: Christmas Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. Happy now?

FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources more...

So what is so all darned special
About this Ol' St. Pat?
A fine old priest
went to root out the beast
And made all the Irish folk chat!
Yes, he went up against the great druids
For they spoke the God words back then.
But Pat showed the king
They knew not a thing
Of One God, of hell or heaven.
So he picked up a clover to show them,
How three God's could all be one.
But how did this make
Everyone go and take
St. Pat's Day as one of fun?
Tho the leprechauns now all wear green,
And songs to St. Pat you can hear...
It's not the shamrocks,
Or wearing green socks...
' tis cuz Pat invented green beer!

Two seniors are standing in front of the Hotel Duluth when they see a penguin walking by. Pat grabs it and asks Mike, "what should I do with him?"

Mike says, "Why don't you take him out to the zoo?"

The next day in front of the Hotel, Mike sees Pat walking with the penguin on a leash. "I thought I told you to take him to the zoo," says Mike.

"I did," says Pat, "and we had such a good time that tonight I think I'll take him to the hockey game!"

Pat goes into the bar on a crutch, his arm in a sling and bandages all over his head.
The bartender says: "My God Pat, what the hell happened to you?"
Pat says: "I got in a brouhaha with Riley."
The bartender says: "But Riley's just a wee man and you're full grown. He must of had something in his hand."
Pat says: "That he did, a shovel."
The bartender says: "My God man, didn't you have anything in your hand?"
Pat says: "That I did. The breast of Mrs. Riley. Beautiful thing it was but not much use in a fight."

*"Being John McEnroe"
People line up to see what's it's like to be an immature tennis star who gets dumped by Tatum O'Neal. Followed by yet another sequel: "Being John Mellencamp."

*"Tricentennial Man"
Robin Williams plays a robot who cries so much he rusts himself stiff.

*"Double Jeopardy 2"
Ashley Judd is framed for the murder of Alex Trebek. Co-stars Tommy Lee Jones as Pat Sajak.

*"The Milk-Bone Collector"
Denzel Washington plays a quadriplegic mailman trying to catch a psychotic dog who is terrorizing U.S. postal workers.

*"Bringing Out the Dead II"
A documentary on Al Gore and Bill Bradley's campaign speeches.

*"The D.A.R.E.
Witch Project" Three drug-abuse counselors vanish in the Maryland woods while trying to do an intervention with a heroin- addicted witch. It cost a mere $12.75 to make because it was filmed entirely by more...

Two men were painting a house.
Pat: Have you got a good hold on that paint brush, Mick?
Mick: Yes, I have. Why?
Pat: Well, hold on tight, because I'm taking this ladder away.

Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says,' Mike, you wait here, I'm going to run in for confession, it's been a long time'.

Pat enters the confessional and says,' Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman'.

The priest asks,' was it Mrs Murphy'?' no, Father', was the reply.

' Was it Mrs O'Boyle'? Again the reply was' No, Father'.

' Was it Mrs. O'Grady'? Pat said, Father, I'll not be teling you the lady's name!

So the priest told him to say two Hail Mary's for each time he had sinned with the woman.

Back on the street, Mike said,' Well, how did you do'? Pat said,' Just fine, I kept me mouth shut and got 3 new prospects'!