Pat Jokes / Recent Jokes

Pat comes home late one night and knocks on the door and his wife answers'Is that you Pat?. He answers "Yes it is me." She asks and all you drunk Pat? and he answrs" So Am I"

Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before the morning break, Pat yelled "Mick, I've lost a finger!"

Mick said. "How did you do it?"

Pat replied "I just touched this big, shiny spinning thing here like this... ouch! There goes another one!"

Florida State football coach Bill Peterson: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." He also said, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
Mike Tyson, about writer Wallace Matthews: "He called me a rapist and a recluse. I'm not a recluse."
Weightlifting commentator Pat Glenn: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."
Alan Minter: "There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious."
Football coach Bill Peterson: "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
Basketball player Jason Kidd: "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
Soccer coach Ron Greenwood: "I don't hold water with that theory."
Baseball player Pedro Guerrero, on sportswriters: "Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean."
Tennis more...

Pat and Jimmy-Joe met and one said to the other, "Have ye seen Mulligan lately, Pat?" Pat said, "Well, I have and I haven't." His friend asked, "Shure, and what d'ye mean by that?" Pat said, "It's like this, y'see... I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap that he thought was me. And when we got up to one another... it was neither of us."

Pat is not feeling very well and he decides to go to a doctor. While he is waiting in the doctor’s reception room, a nun comes out of the doctor’s office. She looks very ashen, drawn and haggard. Pat goes into the doctor’s office and says to the doctor:
“I just saw a nun leaving who looked absolutely terrible. I have never seen a woman look worse. ”
The doctor says: “I just told her that she is pregnant. ”
Pat exclaims: “Oh my, is she? ”
The doctor responds: “No, but it sure cured her hiccups. ”

When Pat and Mike met each other on the street one day, Pat noticed that Mike had a terrible cold.
"Have you seen a doctor about that cold?" he asked.
"No," said Mike, "But I probably should. Do you know a good doctor?"
Pat gave him the name of his own doctor and assured him that he'd be in good hands.
About a week later, they met again and Pat wasn't sure if the cold was really better.
"Did you see my doctor?" Pat inquired.
"Oh, yeah," Mike replied. He was a really nice guy!"
"Well, did he give you something to help your cold"?
"Sure did!" Mike answered, somewhat enthusiastically. "He told me to drink a big glass of fresh orange juice after a hot bath."
"Well, did it help?" Pat asked hesitantly.
"How do I know?" Mike retorted. "I haven't even finished drinking the bath yet!"

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Irish Mike, this wouldnt be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?""That it is, "Irish Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball.""You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat."How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Mike."Well," mused Pat, "theres a lesson in this somewhere.""That there is," replied Irish Mike...." Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."