Pat Jokes / Recent Jokes
An Irishman was dying and his wife was at his bedside.
She says: "Pat, you've been a wonderful husband all these years. Is there anything at all that I can do for you before you go."
Pat says: "No Mary, nothing at all."
Mary says: "Now Pat, isn't there a thing I can do for you."
Pat says: "Mary, The priests been here, I've been shriven. There's nothing more to do."
Mary persists: "Pat, tis forty and more years you've taken such good care of me and the kids. There has to be one more thing I can do for you before you die."
Pat says: "Well Mary, is that one of your famous apple pies I smell baking in the oven?"
She says: "Yes it is, Pat."
He says: "Well, if I could have one more piece of your famous apple pie before I go."
She says: "The hell with you. That's for the wake."
A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.
He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?"
"That it is, "Irish Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball."
"You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat.
"How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Mike.
"Well," mused Pat, "there's a lesson in this somewhere."
"That there is," replied Irish Mike...."' Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."
A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.
He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?"
"That it is, "Irish Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball."
"You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat.
"How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Mike.
"Well," mused Pat, "there's a lesson in this somewhere."
"That there is," replied Irish Mike...."' Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."
MURPHY'S LAWS ON WORK A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office. Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing more...
Bay Area Native Quiz
Want to know if someone is a native of the San Francisco
Bay Area? Want to find out if you qualify yourself? Take
the following quiz and find out!
1) Complete the following phrase:
Dublin, Berkeley, San Lorenzo, Cupertino, __________
2) Name the five bridges that cross San Francisco Bay.
Extra credit: put them in order from north to south.
Extra extra credit: explain how to get across the
Golden Gate Bridge during rush
hour in less than an hour.
3) Complete the following phrase:
2400 Mission, top of the hill, __________
4) You're at a San Francisco Spiders hockey game at the Cow
Palace. (True: a team called' the Spiders' play at a
place called' the Cow Palace.' Go figure.) A woman comes
out to sing the Star Spangled Banner wearing a huge hat
with a model of the entire financial district, including
the TransAmerica building, on top of it. more...