"Bay Area Native Quiz" joke

Bay Area Native Quiz

Want to know if someone is a native of the San Francisco
Bay Area? Want to find out if you qualify yourself? Take
the following quiz and find out!

1) Complete the following phrase:

Dublin, Berkeley, San Lorenzo, Cupertino, __________

2) Name the five bridges that cross San Francisco Bay.
Extra credit: put them in order from north to south.
Extra extra credit: explain how to get across the
Golden Gate Bridge during rush
hour in less than an hour.

3) Complete the following phrase:
2400 Mission, top of the hill, __________

4) You're at a San Francisco Spiders hockey game at the Cow
Palace. (True: a team called' the Spiders' play at a
place called' the Cow Palace.' Go figure.) A woman comes
out to sing the Star Spangled Banner wearing a huge hat
with a model of the entire financial district, including
the TransAmerica building, on top of it. Your response
is:

a)' Hey, look at that idiot wearing the dorky hat!'
b)' Hey, look at that woman wearing the cool hat!'
c)' Hey, Beach Blanket Babylon!'

5) Explain the following joke:' I don't want to call her
ugly, but whenever I say' TV 20,' she turns her head.'

6) Which of the following is your typical response to an
earthquake?

a)' Earthquake! We're all gonna die!'
b)' Earthquake! Great! Now I don't have to go into work today.'

c)' Earthquake? We had an earthquake today? I didn't feel it.'

7) Match up the following people with the phrases/shows
they're associated with:

a) Bob Wilkins 1) Baghdad-by-the-Bay
b) Pat McCormick 2) Creature Feature
c) Herb Caen 3) Sacratomato
d) Dr. Donald D. Rose 4) Dialing for Dollars

8) If someone asked you how to drive from San Francisco to
Los Angeles, what would be your response?

a) Get onto 101 south and take it all the way.
b) Take 80 east to 580 east to 5 south, then
take it all the way.
c) Los Angeles? Why do you want to go to Los Angeles?

9) Which of the following is NOT, repeat NOT, a valid name
for a Bay Area sports stadium, and I don't care how much
money they paid?

a) Oakland Coliseum
b) San Jose Arena
c) Candlestick Park
d) 3Com Park

10) The word' Frisco' is:

a) A cute little nickname for that city we
also know as' San Francisco.'
b) A really annoying shortening of' San Francisco,'
no doubt started by Southern Californians who
can't say words longer than two syllables.
c) The result of a satanic plot.
d) Beats me. Never heard the word before in my life.

11) The little man is on the edge of the chair, clapping
wildly; the little man is sitting in the chair and
clapping; the little man is sitting in the chair and
leaning forward; the little man is asleep in the chair; and
the chair is empty. What did I just describe?

12) In referring to a general region of the Bay Area, which
of the following terms is never used? What is that area
called instead?

a) Marin
b) West Bay
c) East Bay
d) South Bay

13) BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) is not in fact rapid
transit for the entire Bay Area. For instance, it doesn't
run to Milpitas (but can you blame them?) Which of the
following is another city that BART doesn't currently
serve?

a) Richmond
b) Fremont
c) Daly City
d) San Jose

14) Which of the following would you be likely to see
people wearing at Bay to Breakers?

a) running shorts
b) an Elvis costume
c) a fancy ball gown
d) a fancy ball gown worn by a male
e) all of the above

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Answers:

1) San Jose
2) From north to south:
Richmond-San Rafael Bridge
Golden Gate Bridge
Bay Bridge
San Mateo Bridge
Dumbarton Bridge
Extra extra credit question answer: walk
3) Daly City
4)' c'
5) It means she's a dog (if you still don't get it, ask a
native to explain it to you)
6)' c'
7) Bob Wilkins -- Creature Feature
Pat McCormick -- Dialing for Dollars
Herb Caen -- Baghdad-by-the-Bay
Dr. Donald D. Rose -- Sacratomato
8)' c'
9)' d'
10)' b,'' c,' or' d'
11) The movie rating system in the pink section
of the San Francisco Chronicle.
12)' b' -- it's called the Peninsula
13)' d' (Can you believe it? San Jose doesn't have BART.
Neither does the entire Peninsula south of Daly City. It's
a conspiracy by those CalTrain people, I just know it.)
14)' e'

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Scoring:

12-14 correct -- you're a true Bay Area native. Feel free
to look down on Los Angeles with pride. (You probably
already do.)

8-11 correct -- you've probably lived in or near the Bay
Area for awhile, but you're not yet a true native. You may
occasionally leave the water running, or throw out your
aluminum cans. Keep trying and you'll get better
eventually.

4-7 correct -- You know a couple of things about the Bay
Area, but you're far from being a native. Probably some of
what you did get right were just lucky guesses. Go back to
Los Angeles (even if you're not from there).

0-3 correct -- forget it. Don't kid yourself. You're not
even a Californian, let alone a Bay Area native. Go back
to Wisconsin. If you're not from there, you might as well
be.