Patent Jokes / Recent Jokes
JERUSALEM - In a surprise move today, Judaism filed suit against the Catholic Church, claiming Catholicism copied the "look and feel" of the religion.
Judaism, which has held the patent on the concept of a monotheistic religion for over 3500 years as well as the copyright on Yahweh (tm) The Old Testament (tm) and the use of "CH" for the "H" sound, is suing for 2000 years of back royalties.
They are also asking that the court disallow the use of the term "Judeo-Christian" from all textbooks. The Pope was unavailable for comment, but a spokesman from the Vatican stated the suit was unfounded as the patent on the concepts shared by the two religions has long expired, and that the suit violates the separation of church and state.
More news as the case develops.
This article came from a fellow named Keith Wortham.
In anticipation of a PC MAGAZINE review of the well promoted but NON-AVAILABLE Microsoft Windows 4. 0, he went ahead and wrote it in the typical "objective" style the magazine usually uses with Microsoft products. He is planning to submit it to the magazine before they can come out with their own bubbly "review" of the promised product.
As you know, the magazine carries big ads for Microsoft. From what I am told, ZIFF-DAVIS, which owns PC MAGAZINE, ALSO OWNS A SUBSIDIARY THAT HAS THE MARKETING ACCOUNT FOR MICROSOFT! (Does that strike you as a bit of a CONFLICT OF INTEREST, and ample incentive for total "non-objectivity?")
Quoting Keith Wortham:
"The latest issue of PC Magazine contains the exciting and long awaited news that there will be an article on Windows 4. 0 appearing in the next issue. To save those of you who do not subscribe from having to buy the magazine, we thought more...
A patent attorney, invention in hand, turns back from his window toward the inventor, disappointed.
"You call this a death ray? It barely even slows them down!"
A farmer goes to the patent office to patent a peach, and the patent officer says- "you can't patent a peach, the peach has already been patented!"And the farmer says, "Oh no. Not THIS kind of peach. Go ahead, try it!" So the patent officer takes a bite, and then- "oh, wow! This is so good! It tastes like- blackberry pie!"And the farmer says "Yeah, and Do you like vanilla ice cream? Well then you gotta flip it over & try the other side".So the patent officer does and he's like-"Man! that really does taste like vanilla ice cream! I can't believe it!"So then the farmer looks around a bit and lowers his voice almost to a whisper, and says: "Psst! Have you ever tasted pussy?" "Oh yeah, I've eaten plenty of pussy!" "And you like it, right?" "Yeah I LOVE the taste of pussy" says the patent officer, starting to get excited.The farmer says, "OK, then take a bite, right there" So the patent more...
Microsoft Trademarks the Trademark Symbol
By Vince Sabio HumourNet Communications, Ltd.
REDMOND, Wash (UPI) - Software and marketing giant Microsoft Corporation (MSFT) announced today that it has purchased the rights to the well-known "trademark" symbol, formerly denoted as "tm" in most print media.
The symbol is commonly used to identify commercial product names that have not yet been registered with the U. S. Patent and Trademark Office.
"It was a natural," commented John Schexnader, of Microsoft`s Ministry of Information. "Several of us were sitting around after a board meeting a few months ago, and we were talking about what we should buy next. We were tossing around the idea of purchasing a country or two in South America, as kind of a follow-up to Sun Microsystems` trademark-infringement claim against The Island Formerly Known As Java, when it occurred to us that there are no countries named more...
REDMOND, WA--In what CEO Bill Gates called'an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors,' the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero Monday.
With the patent, Microsoft's rivals are prohibited from manufacturing or selling products containing zeroes and ones--the mathematical building blocks of all computer languages and programs--unless a royalty fee of 10 cents per digit used is paid to the software giant.
'Microsoft has been using the binary system of ones and zeroes ever since its inception in 1975,' Gates told reporters.' For years, in the interest of the overall health of the computer industry, we permitted the free and unfettered use of our proprietary numeric systems. However, changing marketplace conditions and the increasingly predatory practices of certain competitors now leave us with no choice but to seek compensation for the use of our numerals.'
A number more...
The owner of an apple orchard invited a local patent office representative to visit his orchard so he could apply for a patent on some of his hybrid apples. The patent officer informed the man that a patent could not be issued for apples, because hybrid or not, they were God's creation. The farmer said, "Yeah, but once you've seen and tasted my apples I'm sure you'll change your mind."
The farmer took the patent officer to one of his trees and told him to pick an apple from the tree and taste it. The patent officer picked an apple, tasted it and exclaimed, "Wow, that tastes just like an orange!" The farmer said, "Now turn it over and take a bite." The patent officer did just that and exclaimed, "Wow, this side tastes just like a banana!" The farmer said, "Now you see why I want this patented. I've developed this breed of apple scientifically."
The patent officer remained firm, that an apple or any other fruit is not eligible more...