Patent Jokes

An inventor goes to the patent office, sees the patent officer and says, "I've got an invention; it's a folding bottle. I call it a fottle, get it? - folding bottle - fottle."
"Very nice, sir," the patent officer says. "Do you have any other inventions?"
"Yes, I do. I also have a folding carton; I call it a farton," replies the inventor.
"I'm sorry, sir," the officer says, "but that is an inappropriate name; it's disgusting."
"Oh," groans the inventor, "then I guess you wouldn't be interested in my folding bucket."

Microsoft Trademarks the Trademark Symbol By Vince Sabio HumourNet Communications, Ltd. REDMOND, Wash (UPI) - Software and marketing giant Microsoft Corporation (MSFT) announced today that it has purchased the rights to the well-known "trademark" symbol, formerly denoted as "tm" in most print media. The symbol is commonly used to identify commercial product names that have not yet been registered with the U. S. Patent and Trademark Office. "It was a natural," commented John Schexnader, of Microsoft's Ministry of Information. "Several of us were sitting around after a board meeting a few months ago, and we were talking about what we should buy next. We were tossing around the idea of purchasing a country or two in South America, as kind of a follow-up to Sun Microsystems' trademark-infringement claim against The Island Formerly Known As Java, when it occurred to us that there are no countries named' ActiveX.' We talked about changing the name of' more...

A short story...
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
Dumb Ohio Laws
# In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker`s stand, you can be fined $25. 00.
# Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
# It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
# It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
# The Ohio driver`s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car.
# Participating or conducting a duel is prohibited.
# Breast feeding more...

REDMOND, WA--In what CEO Bill Gates called'an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors,' the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero Monday.

With the patent, Microsoft's rivals are prohibited from manufacturing or selling products containing zeroes and ones--the mathematical building blocks of all computer languages and programs--unless a royalty fee of 10 cents per digit used is paid to the software giant.

'Microsoft has been using the binary system of ones and zeroes ever since its inception in 1975,' Gates told reporters.' For years, in the interest of the overall health of the computer industry, we permitted the free and unfettered use of our proprietary numeric systems. However, changing marketplace conditions and the increasingly predatory practices of certain competitors now leave us with no choice but to seek compensation for the use of our numerals.'

A number more...

JERUSALEM - In a surprise move today, Judaism filed suit against the Catholic Church, claiming Catholicism copied the "look and feel" of the religion.
Judaism, which has held the patent on the concept of a monotheistic religion for over 3500 years as well as the copyright on Yahweh (tm) The Old Testament (tm) and the use of "CH" for the "H" sound, is suing for 2000 years of back royalties.
They are also asking that the court disallow the use of the term "Judeo-Christian" from all textbooks. The Pope was unavailable for comment, but a spokesman from the Vatican stated the suit was unfounded as the patent on the concepts shared by the two religions has long expired, and that the suit violates the separation of church and state.
More news as the case develops.