Patrick Jokes / Recent Jokes

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest:"Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog`s death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there`s a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they`ll do something for the animal." Muldoon said, "I`ll go right now. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick: "$500? - Why didn`t you tell me the dog was Catholic?!"

An Irish guy was digging a hole in his front lawn, when his neighbour walks by and says, "Hey, Patrick, what are you doing?"
"Digging a hole," said Patrick.
"What's wrong with the hole next to it?" said his neighbour.
"That one wasn't deep enough," said Patrick.

Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Regular rocks are too heavy.
Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short.
Q: Why do leprechauns have pots o'gold?
A: They like to "go" first class!
Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He's Dublin over with laughter!
Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?
A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
Q: What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife?
A: A bachelor.
Q: What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day?
A:St. O'Claus!
Q: Are people jealous of the Irish?
A:Sure, they're green with envy!
Q: Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato?
A:To keep from falling in the stew!
Q: Do leprechauns make good secretaries?
A:Sure, they're great at shorthand!
Q: How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold?
A:He took a more...

Q: Did you hear about the Irish abortion clinic? A: It has a 12 month waiting list. Q: What's long & green & has a low I. Q.? A: A St. Patrick's Day ParadeQ: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? A: Regular rocks are too heavy. Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun? A: Because they're always a little short. Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? A: He's Dublin over with laughter! Q: Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland? A: He couldn't afford plane fare. Q: What's Irish and stays out all night? A: Patty O'furniture! Q: How did the Irish Jig get started? A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, “Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser. ”
“Oh really, hmm, didn’t know that. ”
Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. “I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn’t care. ” The second Englishman remarked, “You just don’t know how to set him off…watch and learn. ” So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, “Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum! ”
“Oh really, hmm, didn’t know that. ”
Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. “You’re right. He’s unshakable! ”
The third Englishman remarked, “Boys, I’ll really tick him off… just watch. ” So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, “I hear more...

Three Englishmen were getting soused in a pub, when they spotted an Irishman sitting off in the corner. To have a little fun, one of them approached him.
"Did y'know that St. Patrick was a sissy?"
"Oh, no, I dinnae know that. Thank ye."
The man returned to his friends, complaining that it hadn't worked. The second decided to try.
"Did y'know that St. Patrick was a transvestite?"
"Oh, no, I dinnae know that. Thank ye."
The second man returned to his friends, amazed that it hadn't worked. The third man knew he had the solution.
"Did y'know that St. Patrick was an Englishman?"
"Oh, no. But that's what y'r friends hae been trying to tell me."

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."

"Oh really, hmm, didn`t know that."

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn`t care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don`t know how to set him off... watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!"

"Oh really, hmm, didn`t know that."

Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You`re right. He`s unshakable!"

The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I`ll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the more...