Patrol Jokes / Recent Jokes

From the State where drinking and driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from Texas.Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood bar. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing.After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles. At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street.The more...

When not to Fart:
1. In a crowded elevator
2. On a crowded bus
3. In a public library
4. While on a date
5. While giving a speech
6. In church
7. In a crowded classroom
8. In your office when you`re alone - someone`s bound to walk in immediately afterwards
9. In a movie theater
10. In your cubicle at work - again someone`s bound to walk in to visit
11. In a walk-in freezer - it`ll linger a while
12. In an commercial airplane
13. In a ticket line
14. In your car before picking up a family member
15. during confession
16. In bed when you`re feeling frisky
17. In a Cessna
18. While fighting fire in a burning building
19. In a patrol car for a minor violation

When to Fart:
1. In your bosses office as you are turning to leave. Tip-Make sure it`s a silent one.
2. In a bathroom
3. In a cashier`s line - it might help to speed up things
4. In an empty elevator before more...

Of the 2500 National Gaurd troops President Bush ordered to patrol the Mexican border, only 483 are actually there. The remaining troops were found passed out in Juarez.