Pause Jokes / Recent Jokes

(Long pause, sound of phone dropping, sleepy voice:) Argh! (Pause.) Hello... (Sound of phone dropping, then a yawn.) Sorry man... I'm a bit tired at the moment... (Long yawn.) I'm going back to sleep now... Just going to switch the answering machine on...

Ed called home one afternoon to see what his wife was making for dinner.
"Hello?" said a little girl's voice. "Hi, honey, it's Daddy," said Ed. "Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Ed said, "But you don't have an Uncle Frank, honey!"
"Yes, I do. He's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!"
A few minutes later, the little girl came back to the phone.
"Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all more...

The pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him. Finally he was brought to an old physician, who stated that he could figure it out.
After about an hour's examination he came out and told the cardinals that he knew what was wrong. He said that the bad news was that it was a rare disorder of the testicles. He said that the goods news was that all the pope had to do to be cured was to have sex.
Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length. Finally they went to the pope with the doctor and explained the situation. After some thought, the pope stated, "I agree but under four conditions."
The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar. Over all of the noise there arose a single voice that asked, "And what are the four conditions?"
The room stilled. There was a long pause. The pope replied, "First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see with more...

Paddy walks past a building site and sees a sign with LABOURERS WANTED on it so he go into the site office and says to the foreman oive come about the labourers job.
Foreman well Ive just got to give you a simple initiative test so can you give me a sentence with GREAT in it
After a short pause Paddy thinks about his donkey jacket that he always wears and says
well done you can have a start theres a shovel outside
That night Paddy sees his mate Murphy in the pub and tells him about his new job and all about the test and what to say.
SO nice and early monday morning Murphy is at the Foremans door asking about a job because he has taken a few more labourers on the test is a littel bit harder so he says to Murphy can you give me a sentence fascinate in it.
So Murphy recites and oiv got donkey oi tink its great.
The Foreman says NO a sentence with fascinate in it.
So Murphy again says oiv got donkey jacket oi tink its great.
NO NO NO! says the Foreman a more...

Find two straws, preferably with wide tubes. Insert into your nostrils. Inhale your food.
Don't go to the dining hall. Live there and never leave. When people come in, harass for news of the outside world and tell them how the dining hall needs new ketchup.
Before eating, say grace. Punctuate by slamming your face into your food.
After obtaining your food, proceed to throw it out the nearest window. Turn to the person nearest to you and say, "Wow! Did you ever see [name of dish] fly like that before?"
Hide behind the milk dispenser. Moo every time someone gets milk.
Go up to the server and ask to see the chef. After he/she is introduced, request an off-the-menu meal consisting of lightly blackened escargot, a simmering seafood bisque, a delicately roasted rack of lamb in a basil cream sauce, and a tart but not sweet dessert of his/her own concoction. When he or she refuses, punch' em and proceed to make this meal yourself.
After finishing your more...

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home. ''Hello?'' says a little girl's voice. ''Hi, honey, it's Daddy,'' says Bob. ''Is Mommy near the phone?'' ''No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.'' After a brief pause, Bob says, ''But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!'' ''Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!'' ''Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house.'' ''Okay, Daddy!'' A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. ''Well, I did what you said, Daddy.'' ''And what happened?'' ''Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went more...

A pastor was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them for children's church. On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children nodded eagerly."This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)..." No hands went up. "And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)..." The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised. "And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its tail when it's excited (pause)..."Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The pastor breathed a sigh of relief and called on him. "Well," said the
boy, "I KNOW the answer must be Jesus...but it more...