Peddler Jokes

An old Jewish peddler ambled down a street in Tel Aviv carrying two
large watermelons. A tourist stopped him to ask, "Where is Ben Yehuda
Street?"
The peddler answered, "Please hold these two watermelons."
The tourist managed to gather them in his arms, whereupon the peddler
made an expansive gesture with his hands and exclaimed petulantly, "How
should I know?"

Stumbling through the desert, a traveler was desperate for water when he suddenly saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he continued on toward the image, only to find a little old peddler sitting at a small table with a bunch of neckties laid out.
"Please, may I have some water?" pleaded the parched traveler. "I'm dying of thirst."
"Sorry, I have no water. Care to buy a tie?" asked the peddler. "This one looks like it would go very well with your clothes."
"I don't want a tie, you idiot. I'm desperate for water," shrieked the traveler.
"Fine, don't buy a tie. Just to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that about 5 miles over that hill there, you'll find a restaurant. Go there and they'll give you all the water you want," the peddler said.
The traveler thanked the peddler and walked toward the hill, eventually disappearing out of sight. A few hours later, he more...

An old man and his wife lived deep in the hills and seldom saw many people. One day a peddler came by to sell his goods and asked the man if he or his wifewanted to buy something. "Well, my wife aint home, shes gone down to the creekto wash clothes, but lemma see what you got," said the man. The peddler showedhim pots and pans, tools and gadgets, but the old man wasnt interested. Thenthe man spotted a mirror and said, "Whats that?" Before the peddler could tellhim it was a mirror, the old man picked it up and said, "My God howd you get apicture of my Pappy?" The old man was so happy, he traded his wifes bestpitcher for it. The peddler left before the wife came back and spoiled his sale. The old man was worried that the wife would be mad at him for trading her bestpitcher, so he hid it in the barn behind some boxes of junk. He would go out tothe barn 2 or 3 times a day to look at the "picture" and eventually the wife gotsuspicious. One day she more...

An old man and his wife lived deep in the hills and seldom saw many people. One day a peddler came by to sell his goods and asked the man if he or his wife wanted to buy something. "Well, my wife ain't home, she's gone down to the creek to wash clothes, but lemma see what you got," said the man. The peddler showed him pots and pans, tools and gadgets, but the old man wasn't interested. Then the man spotted a mirror and said, "What's that?" Before the peddler could tell him it was a mirror, the old man picked it up and said, "My God how'd you get a picture of my Pappy?" The old man was so happy, he traded his wife's best pitcher for it. The peddler left before the wife came back and spoiled his sale. The old man was worried that the wife would be mad at him for trading her best pitcher, so he hid it in the barn behind some boxes of junk. He would go out to the barn 2 or 3 times a day to look at the "picture" and eventually the wife got more...

Long ago in a Polish town there lived a wise Rabbi. One night a
peddler came to the Rabbi's house. "Rabbi," he said, "I am going to kill
myself!"
"Heaven, forbid!" cried the Rabbi, "What could make you have
such a sinful thought?"
"Is it better than I should starve to death!
Today my horse died and without a horse I cannot earn my living!"
"Look,"
said the Rabbi, "the Holy One, Blessed be He, will provide for you.
Tonight, at midnight, meet me at the stable of the Count." The peddler
had no idea what the Rabbi could mean, but obediently he arrived at
the Count's stables at 12 o'clock sharp. The Rabbi took him to one of
the stalls and told him to take the beautiful white stallion standing
there.
"Oy, vay!" said the peddler, "I can't do this, the Count will
have me hanged!"
"Don't worry," the Rabbi assured him, "take the more...