Pencil Jokes / Recent Jokes

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "The hair, it's growing. Growing!"7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil. 5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, more...

When is a pencil not a pencil? When it's on a Pentagon shopping list - then it's a "portable hand-held communications inscriber", says a Republican senator.

Top Ten Ways to Freak Out Your Roommate
10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."
9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "The hair, it's growing. Growing!"
7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."
6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to more...

A great Russian scientist Ivan Ivanowich Ivanow made experiments with a flea.
He said: "Jump, flea!" and it jumped 40 centimetres high.
So he took a pencil (a big Russian invention) and put the following record in the experimental log: "I said:' Jump, flea!' and it jumped 40 cm."
Then he tore off one of the flea's legs. He said: "Jump, flea!" and it jumped 30 centimetres high. He recorded: "When I tore off one leg, the flea jumped 30 cm."
Then he continued tearing off other legs and the flea jumped 20, 10, and 2 centimeters high, respectively. Everything was recorded in the log book.
When only 1 leg remained, the poor flea jumped only 1 millimeter and a half high. Again, it was recorded.
Finally he tore off the last leg. He said: "Jump, flea!". No response.
He said again (in a high voice): "Jump, flea!". Nothing.
He shouted: "Jump, flea!!!". The flea did not move.
So Ivan more...

If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?

Bad Jokes The following riddles and jokes were made up by BADJOKE.EXE, an MS-DOSprogram. You probably haven't heard most of them. Please try not to laughtoo hard and feel free to flame as much as you like-we are all likepassengers on the deck of the Titanic discussing what we're going to do whenwe get to shore.How can you tell when a mechanic has been behind your nuclear warhead? There are nubile lambchops all over your pizza! How can you tell when a pope has been coming towards your spaceship? There are laughing travelling salesmen in your banana! How do you get 100 gargoyles into a nuclear warhead? Throw in a lawn sprinkler! Why do motorcycles fold born-again eyeballs? To diaper their skyscrapers! Why do policemen have toilets? So that yaks will disobey them! What do you get when you cross a Barbie doll and a banana? An angry nurse! What did the Democrat say to the kettle drum?"Ignore my eyeball, you square baby!"What did the finger say ot the lawn sprinkler?"Enlist more...

Once There Were 4 Aliens. One Alien Went To School And Learnt I, The Second Alien Went To His Friends House And Learnt Because He Stole My Pencil, The Third Alien Went To A Restaurant And Learnt With A Fork And Knife And The Forth Alien Went To Disco And Learnt Yahoo! !! One Day They Came Across A Dead Man. The Police Came And Asked The Aliens: Police-"Who Killid This Man" 1st Alien- I Police-"Why Did U Kill Him" 2nd Alien-"Because He Stole My Pencil." Police-"With What Did U Kill Him" 3rd Alien-"With A Fork And Knife" Police-"All Of U R Going To Jail" 4th Alien-"Yahoo!!!"