Pencil Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box.
The Female pencil got pregnant!! Which Male pencil is responsible?
Answer
THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.
2. Woman in bed with husband's best friend, phone rings!' YES'.. OK, BYE'.
She turns to her lover and says, THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE'S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU.
3. Three Roosters: normal, retarded and a gay.
Normal: cock-a-doodle-dooo! !!
Retarded: doodle-cock-a-dooo! !!
Gay: any-cock-will dooo! !!
4. Three Guys were introduced to a girl. Hi,.... I'm Peter, not a SAINT. I'm Paul not a POPE. I'm John not a BAPTIST...
The girl replied.. Hi.. I'm Mary, not a VIRGIN.
5. Girlfriends are appetizers. Taste good at any time.
Mistresses are Tomyams. Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently.
WIVES are Maggie. Eaten when there's nothing to eat.!!!
6. Income Tax office asked a Prostitute why she puts her occupation as CHICKEN FARMER.
She replied: I RAISED 5, 000 COCKS LAST more...
Psychologists subject an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician - a topologist, by the way - to an experiment: Each of them is locked in a room for a day - hungry, with a can of food, but without an opener; all they have is pencil and paper.
At the end of the day, the psychologists open the engineer's room first. Pencil and paper are unused, but the walls of the room are covered with dents. The engineer is sitting on the floor and eating from the open can: He threw it against the walls until it cracked open.
The physicist is next. The paper is covered with formulas, there is one dent in the wall, and the physicist is eating, too: He calculated how exactly to throw the can against the wall, so that it would crack open.
When the psychologists open the mathematician's room, the paper is also full of formulas, the can is still closed, and the mathematician has disappeared. But there are strange noises coming from inside the can...
Someone gets an opener and opens more...
Name:_________
1. Finish this pattern: a, _, c, d, e, f (hint, B)
2. If you are standing, what are you doing? (hint, standing)
3. Finish the sentence: I am a blond______
4. Explain Einstein's theory, or spell cat
5. Are you writing with a pen/pencil or a tissue? (hint pen/pencil)
6. Spell the word chicken
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Your pencil.
Your pencil who?
Your pencil fall down if you don't wear a belt or suspenders?
***HERE ARE SOME LANGUAGE WARPS:***
"I dislike your insinuendoes!"
"If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same."
"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."
"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository."
"Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it."
"We'll burn that bridge when we come to it."
"To be demeanored like that is an exercise in fertility."
"When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut."
"I'd hate to confuse myself with the facts."
"Family planning has many misconceptions."
Many of us would be delighted to pay as we go. .. if we could only catch up from paying as we've already gone.
Personals Ad: "Financially Unstable Man - I owe everyone money.
If you're not one of my creditors, I'd like to meet you. Send phone, mine was more...
HERE ARE SOME LANGUAGE WARPS
"I dislike your insinuendoes!"
"If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same."
"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."
"Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository."
"Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it."
"We'll burn that bridge when we come to it."
"To be demeanored like that is an exercise in fertility."
"When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut."
"I'd hate to confuse myself with the facts."
"Family planning has many misconceptions."
Many of us would be delighted to pay as we go. .. if we could only catch up from paying as we've already gone.
Personals Ad: "Financially Unstable Man - I owe everyone money.
If you're not one of my creditors, I'd like to meet you. Send phone, mine was more...
Once, there were two parents taking a shower together, so then their two children (a boy, and a girl) come in the bathroom and the girl asks the mother, "Mom, what's that down there?" and the mom answers, "A sharpener". Then, the boy asks the father, "Dad, what's that down there?" and the father answers, "a pencil"
After 30 min. their parents came in their room and they ask, "WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGGG...!!!",
and they both said, "SHARPING THE PENCIL!!!"