Pencil Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What did the pen say to the pencil? A: "So, what`s your point!"
What do you call an unemployed jester?. .. Nobody's fool. Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. Why politicians don't enjoy the game of golf -- Because for them, it's too much like their work -- you know, being trapped in one bad lie after another. Feminist's lament: "I think, therefore I am single." Sign on the door of the maternity ward at the hospital: "Push. .. Push. .. Push!"Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels." Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: "Reserved for plant manager." Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: "Please do not disturb further." Sign in a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"Elbonics: Two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater. Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scornto smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams. If a tree falls in a forest, and hits a mime, does anybody say more...
There are three guys who are good friends. One is an American, oneis Polish, and one is Italian. They are driving together one day when they get into a car accident. They all die and float up towards the gates of Heaven. When they get there, an angel who tells them they are all on the border of Heaven and Hell. As a result, they have the choice to either ask a question of the angel or be asked a question. If they answer correctly, or if the angel answers incorrectly on their question, they will pass into Heaven. The Italian guy goes first. He tells the angel to ask him a question. The angel says, "How many grains of sand are there in the world?" The Italian guy says, "Um, four trillion?" and falls straight to Hell. The polish guy goes next and wants the angel toe ask a question. The angel says, "How many drops of water are there in all of the world's oceans?" He says, "Uh, ninety-eight billion?" and also falls straight to Hell. Finally, it's the more...
What do witches use pencil sharpeners for? To keep their hats pointed.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Pencil.
Pencil who?
Pencil fall down if you don't have a belt.
This guy was stranded on a desert island with Cindy Crawford. He was cool, and he didn't make any moves towards her for several weeks.
Finally one day he asked her if maybe they could start up a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other's needs. Cindy said she was game, and a very nice sexual relationship began.
Everything was great for about 4 months. One day the guy goes to Cindy and says, "I'm having this problem... It's kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favor." Cindy replied "Okay," and he says, "Can I borrow your eyebrowpencil?" Cindy looks at him a little funny, but answers, "Sure, you can borrow my eyebrow pencil."
The guy then says, "Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on you?"
Cindy is getting a little worried, but says "Okay." And so the guy draws a moustache on her.
Then the guy said, "Can you wear some of my guy clothing, I need for you to more...
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. GET OUT YOUR' PORTABLE HAND-HELD COMMUNICATIONS INSCRIBERS'WASHINGTON - When is a pencil not a pencil? When it's on a Pentagon shopping list - then it's a' 'portable hand-held communications inscriber,'' says a Republican senator.