Penguin Jokes / Recent Jokes

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, "It looks like you blew a seal."

"No, no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

A penguin was driving through Arizona on a hot, summer Sunday when he noticed his oil light was on. He got out of the car and, sure enough, it was leaking oil all over the road. The penguin drove around the corner to a service station and asked the mechanic to take a look at it. The mechanic said he had a few others to look at first but if he came back in an hour he could tell the penguin what was wrong with his car. The penguin agreed and went for a walk. He found an ice-cream shop and thought a big bowl of vanilla ice cream would really hit the spot, since he was a penguin and it was Arizona in the summer, after all. He sat down at the counter and started in on his ice cream. Of course he had no hands so it was rather messy. By the time he was done he had ice cream all over his flippers, and his mouth was a total mess. He walked back to the service station and said to the mechanic, "Did you find out what is wrong with my car?" The mechanic replied, "It looks like more...

What do JFK Jr. and a penguin have in common?
They're both cute as hell and can't fly!

I understand that a crow has one less pinion feather than a raven. Therefore how do you tell a crow from a raven? It's a matter of opinion. I duck walks into a drug store and buys a chapstick. The clerk sez, "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck sez, "Just put it on my bill!" Two vultures were in the desert eating a dead clown. The first vulture asks the second vulture: "Does this taste funny to you?" Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don't know the words. Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chickens foot. I took my bird to the vet because he was sick. The vet said I have bad news and good news. The bird has chirpees, the good news is that it is tweetable! Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the Opossum that it could be done! What does a 1, 000 lb. canary say? Here kitty, kitty, kitty! What did the bird say as it was flying over K-Mart? "Cheap - cheap - cheap" What do you get when you run over a bird with your more...

This guy runs into a bar and shouts "Quick, how tall is a penguin??"
The bartender looks stunned.
"An empire penguin can be about this tall" he says, gesturing.
So the guy says, "Oh no, I just ran over two nuns!"

Two cows were talking in the field one day.

First Cow: "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?"

Second Cow: "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?"

A man was driving down the highway with a car full of penguins. Penguins sticking out the windows, penguins coming out the sunroof, penguin everywhere. A cop pulled him over and told him if he didn`t want a ticket he`d better take those penguins straight to the zoo. The man promised hewould and drove off.The next day, the same highway, the same car, the same guy, the same cop and the same penguins - only this time the penguins were all wearing sunglasses! The cop pulled the guy over and said, "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!""I did" said the guy, "Today I`m taking them to the beach!"