Penis Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man is having problems with his penis, which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says,' 'Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years. Your penis is burned out. You only have 30 erections left in your penis.''
The man walks home, deeply depressed. His wife is waiting for him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem. He tells her what the doctor told him. She says,' 'Oh no, only 30 times! We shouldn't waste that. We should make a list!'' He replies,' 'Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn't on it.''
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh... she got more...
Little Johnny is in the bathroom taking a pee when the toilet seat falls down on top of his penis. He starts screaming and crying. His mom comes running into the room wondering what's going on. He tells his mother "Mommy, the toilet seat fell on top of my penis. Kiss it better." "Johnny you are getting more and more like your father everyday." His mother says.
One white guy went to the bathroom to pee.
He saw a black guy at the next urinal with a huge penis.
White guy said " wow! brother, you gotta huge pecker"
Black guy just grinned and said "Why thank you, man.
Would you like to know how you could have one too?
"Hell yes," replied the white man as dreams of all the
women he could have danced through his head.
"Well, tell you what you do... you lay your dick out on
the table, grease it up real good with some butter...
and smack it REAL hard between two bricks," stated the
coon without even flinching.
The white guy raised his brow and winced in pain, "Are
you sure, man?! That has to hurt like hell!!!"
The spook just grinned, "Nah, just hurts the first few
times, but damn it's worth it, let me tell you. I have
at least 6 women each week now that I have this huge
talleywacker!"
"Six women? Goddamn! I more...
Name change
Abe was one of the best talent spotters in the USA. One day, a young fellow walks into Abe’s office and says he wants to break into show-biz, so Abe says "Okay kid, show me what you do." The kid tells some jokes, does a little soft shoe shuffle, sings a bit, does an acrobatic act and is good enough to impress Abe.
"Great kid! Just great!," says Abe. "I can do things for ya! I think I can get you a show on T.V." (This was the early sixties.) "By the way, what`s your name?"
The young man, proud and excited, exclaims "Penis Van Lesbian."
"`S’cuse me?," questions Abe.
"My name is Penis Van Lesbian" again replies the young man.
"Hey I`m sorry kid, you`re gonna have to change your name, nobody is gonna hire you with a name like Penis Van Lesbian."
Well the young man is crestfallen but steadfastly refuses to change his name, so he leaves to find another more...
A woman was sitting in an airplane waiting for her flight to start. As she waited, a man sat down next to her. She asked him his name. He replied Bob.
About fifteen minutes into the flight Bob sneezed. After sneezing he took out his penis and wiped it off with a tissue. The woman was disgusted, but out of shyness didn't say anything. Thirty minutes later he sneezed again. Again he took out his penis and wiped it off. The woman was again disgusted. But yet again, out of shyness, didn't say anything, but resolved to say something if he did it again. Sure enough about forty-five minutes later he sneezed again. He proceeded to remove his penis from his pants and wipe it off.
By now, the woman was sick of seeing this and asked him why he did it.
The man replied "I have a medical condition. Every time I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The woman, shocked, said "Oh, what do you take for that?"
The man replied "Pepper."