Penis Jokes / Recent Jokes

My penis is so big, when I get a hard on half my body goes numb.

My penis is so big, when I get a hard on it hits me in the face.

It must suck being a penis because-
1. Your best friends are nuts
2. Your closest neighbour is an asshole
3. You vomit when you're excited
4. Your owner abuses you
And if you're in the mood-
5. You work double-duty on Tuesday.

WHY IS EMAIL LIKE A PENIS?
Some folks have it, some don't. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.
Those who don't have it may agree that it's an nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.
It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.
In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this more...

My penis is so big, it put the president on hold for 20 minutes.

One day, a man with no arms walked into the bathroom. Another man that was in there, asked, "I don't mean to be rude sir, but how to you go to the bathroom with no arms?" The guys with no arms replied, "Well I need a little help, could you unzip my pants?" The other guys reluctantly says, "sure". The guy with no arms says, "I need a little more help than that, I need some aim. Would you mind?" The guy, very reluctant to do it this time said, "Sure, I guess". When the guy pulled out the mans penis, there was red pustules and blisters and hair all over it. The man preceded to help the man out. When the man with no arms was finished. The other man asked him,"I don't mean to be rude, but what was all over your penis?" The man then replied, as he pulled his arms out his shirt, -"I don't know but I sure as hell ain't touching it!"

Why is E-Mail like the Penis?
-Those who have it would be devastated if it were cut off.
-Those who have it somehow believe those who don't are inferior.
-Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat but doubt it's worth all the fuss that those who have it make about it.
-Many of those who don't have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call E-Male Envy.
-It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any work done.
-In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.
-If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.
-We attach an importance to it far greater than its size and influence warrant.
-If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.