Penis Jokes / Recent Jokes

My penis is so big, MTV`s Cribs dedicated a whole episode to it.

My penis is so big, I can drive alone and still use the carpool lane.

Joe has a problem, so he goes to his doctor. "Doctor, I don't seem to be able to get an erection. Can you help me?"
After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "The problem you're having is because the muscles at the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you, unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment. What we would do is take the muscles from a baby elephant's trunk and implant them in your penis."
Joe thinks about it for a few minutes, then says, "Well, since I can't imagine going through life without ever having sex again, let's go fot it."
A few weeks after the surgery, the doctor gives Joe the green light to use his improved equipment. Excited, he plans a romantic evening with his girlfriend and takes her to one of the best restaurants in the city.
In the middle of dinner, Joe feels a stirring between his legs that continues to the point of being uncomfortable. Hoping to release the more...

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his penis is developing a bend in the middle. So the doctor ran a series of tests, and had the man return to his office to report the results. "Have you been in the Far East recently, within the last year or so?" "Why, yes," replied the man. "And did you have sex while over there?" The man looked worried. "Well, yes, once or twice." The doctor's face got a grave expression on it. "That's what I was afraid of. You have a new disease that's just starting to spread in this country. It's called' Hong Kong Dong.'" The man gulped. "What do you do for it? Is there a cure?" "Well, sort of. You see, there is no way to cure the disease, but you must have an operation." "An operation? What kind of operation?" "We cut off your penis." "Wow! Do you mind if I get a second opinion?" The doctor replied, "Of course not. In something of such a serious more...

My penis is so big, it got into Guinness by being the first Mr. Olympia with no arms.

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.

"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."

The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man.

"Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik.

He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man.

"Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?"

And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop more...

This couple has been dating for about four months, but the guy had been afraid of making any sexual advances because of his tiny organ.
Finally, he gets up his courage and takes her to a secluded spot in his car. While they are kissing, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis.
"No thanks," the girl says. "You know I don't smoke."